As many of you are aware, last Sept. I had a pretty bad car accident. Nuthin I obviously planned, just a twist of fate. But livin in a small town, I sorta became a celebrity. The guy who shouda died. A man who beat all the odds. So now people ask me, what it was like being so close to death? It takes allot of thinking sometimes, and yes my ears start to smoke. But the ONE thing, I found out after coming outta the obiss. THERE IS A GOD.... And a very cruel one at that. C I was supposed to die. But he dragged me back, to this place, and now I just deal.


I don't know how long it'll take, for me to stop being pissed off at the Guy Upstairs. So many ?'s I never got to ask. Your set up for failure the day your born. Rich or poor, it don't matter. Altho $$ always helps a tad. But if a mans lucky, he'll meet that special someone, and be happy. But nuthing last forever. It's inevitable that someday you'll part.

What a cruel and twisted way, of doing things. One day your all laughin in the sun, only to have time, turn it's back on you, and your stuck feeding pidgeons in the park. Alone, and afraid, full of memorys of when days were golden.

He pisses me off. I'd love to be alone in a room with this so called God. ( the entity that gives us life ) Just to let him know, what a twisted bastard he is & the world just might be better off without such as he.

Saddest part of the whole deal, is I realize I gotta make peace with this dude, before it's over. I've seen folks go to their grave being mad at the Lord. It isn't pretty. Life will consume you, you wither up. Someday I hope to be okay with him. But for the meantime, I think he's a cruel bastard, that maybe enjoys watching the hearts get torn outta men.


As my brother Tommy once told me. ( who's a die-hard Atheist BTW ). God or heaven is like a car dealership. When you purchase your brand new car, they should pay a guy, to stand near the exit of the lot. He should be holding a 3 lb. hammer, and put a huge dent in your brand new car. Why wait on the inevitable.??

Peace out/RB

*time for my narcotics. think I'll watch Arthur Penn's 'Little Big Man'. I love the scene, where the Indians kick the shit outta George Custer...

Great film, RB, and one of my faves. Arthur Penn did it right after "Alice's Restaurant."

Some of my favorite lines from movies are in this pic, all spoken by Dustin Hoffman as Old Lodge Skins:

"Indians think everything is alive...White men think everything is dead."

"There is an endless supply of white men. There has always been a limited number of human beings."

"Today is a good day to die."


mikey

One of the reasons I've remained an agnostic for the past 40 plus years is that I could never grasp the concept of a loving god with all of the nasty stuff going on in the world. I wouldn't let most of it happen if I had the power to stop it and I don't reckon I'm all that nice of a human being much of the time. I think the term "god" is just a concept to explain the unexplainable. All the goodness and evil, all the callousness and compassion, all the love and hate comes from within us all, not from some cosmic whazoo sitting in the clouds or some horned demon with a pitchfork living in the fiery bowels of the Earth. Good or evil, inside all of us is the god(s) we aspire to be and, unless circumstance and chance deem otherwise, it's up to us to choose which one or ones we want to emulate.

Of course you're mad at what you got thrown. And when you get to the end of the line, there's God. Can't get any higher up the fault line, so that's where all your rage ends. He (hoping not to offend anyone, just giving a pronoun) knows it's coming and is ready to hear all you have to say. But when you don't hear anything back, that can be where you really do just give up. I hate to give advice but, rob, you should find a good spiritual advisor of a good strong faith that you can talk to more intimately than you'd ever imagined you could. It may be just as painful as the PT and the OT you're already being forced back into bodily shape with but maybe even more important.

Oops! Guess I had Dustin Hoffman on my mind (he'll be coming to tv in a new HBO series called "Luck" to air next year).

Of course, those lines were spoken by Chief Dan George.


mikey

What the religion part of life means for me ? Its almost exactly tesame as the opinion of Captain Zap . I think that much people need something or someone to pray are talk to specialy for that kinda things that whe have not under control ; like illnes , pain , war , death ..... its about all these big questions in a human's life . Whe are searching for answers . Some people find there answers in religion and thats fine for them . If it works , its oke and i dont have a problem with that . In my case i believe in the ones i love and that keeps me going on in good and in bad times . So people : Love eachother . Peace .

Well put, Guitarman.

All that IS, IS.

I didn't know you had an accidant, I'm sorry to hear it was a bad one. I'm glad your better, hope your all heald.

Rob,

Your condition was grave, indeed. Shall we say you had an "extended stay" in ICU? But the good blunderites here kept a vigil over you, sending you love and strong, positive vibes throughout your amazing recovery.

I think it is natural for someone who has had a brush with with death to ask themselves, maybe I am here for a purpose that i have not yet filled?

I don't know that this is where your head is at, but I thought I would share that.

I'm looking forward to Part 2, Rb.

Part 1 reminded me of this piece I read a couple of days ago, by a Pentecostal minister in Haiti --

http://killingthebuddha.com/mag/dispatch/dear-god/

(Ktb is a great website, too, for different takes on religion.)

As I (atheist) see it, you've got the following possibilities:

1. There is no god; shit happens and you'll work your way through it, as with everything.

2. There is a god, and s/he is evil. Well what do we say to that? Probably best to avoid courting a relationship with such a being.

3. There is a god who has a plan and you'll eventually figure it out. The "god with a plan" theme song makes me want to vomit, so somebody else can sing that tune.

4. The free will argument. I've never found it persuasive, but if it helps you, great.

5. There's a god, but it's an impersonal deistic/panthiestic sort of thing and it's pointless to talk about what it does or doesn't allow to happen.

6. There's a god, and s/he is a personal god, but is not omnipotent and therefore cannot do anything. See Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Letters and Papers from Prison -- "God is teaching us that we must live as men who can get along very well without him. The God who is with us is the God who forsakes us (Mark 15:34). The God who makes us live in this world without using him as a working hypothesis is the God before whom we are ever standing. Before God and with him we live without God. God allows himself to be edged out of the world and onto the cross. God is weak and powerless in the world, and that is exactly the way, the only way, in which he can be with us and help us." (Letter of July 16, 1944.)

I think there are many explanations for why there is evil in the world, the most logical of which is that there is nothing out there controlling things. I like Bonhoeffer's view intellectually and philosophically because it's compatible with mine, and because it directly attacks the main flaw I see in religion -- in too many people's minds, religion is always about power -- god is only god if god is omnipotent. But I mean, if there's really some being out there with a consciousness, what kind of an existence does it have if all it can do is control and respond to human needs? Who would want to live like that?

All that said, I've probably gotten more spiritually out of watching Buffy and Angel than reading any theology. That may say more about me than the theologians, but Buffy doesn't make your head hurt, and it's funnier than most theologians. (But, also, Buffy was named "theologian of the year" by The Door in 2002 --

http://archives.wittenburgdoor.com/archives/buffy.html )

Although I also think the Book of Job is pretty funny, especially if you read it with Walter Matthau's voice in your head. (I wonder if Arlo's would also work...might have to try it one day.)

So there's my 2 cents.

Random thoughts:

Without adversity a person does not grow in character.

Muscles strengthen through opposition.

The opportunity to do good makes us responsible to do it.

What do you do with your guilt? (By that I mean we all fall short of our expectations for ourselves - or expectations others have of us - at some point or another - we all make mistakes. How do you deal with that?)

An atheist does not believe god exists. That would make them all knowing. God is all knowing. So atheists do not exist. (Qualifier: if god is not all knowing, s/he is not a god.)

A god who cannot do anything is not a god. Why place any confidence in such a individual?

Who commits evil? If it is humans, would you have all humans controlled - turned into robots? All identical? No variation?

Eileen somewhat addresses this question while asking it at the same time - paragraph after point 6. "I think there are many explanations for why there is evil in the world, the most logical of which is that there is nothing out there controlling things." and "what kind of an existence does it have if all it can do is control and respond to human needs? Who would want to live like that?"

There appears to be a conflict in the logic of the 2 statements.

If you had the power to stop evil how would you do it?

Thank you, Captain Zap and Eileen. You said what I think much more eloquently than I could. It all comes down to me/us, I think.

I struggled with this question (who's responsible?) for many years, not understanding why the kindest, gentlest, most honest, admirable, and smart person in the world (my Dad) had to suffer with MS most of his adult life. I do believe that before we lost him, I finally got it.

Eileen is the eloquent one here. I'm just a bumpkin who lives in the woods and has a pig staying in the guest room. But I agree, Buffy and Angel, through story and myth, dealt more with reality than most religions do. Guitarman said it best when he said "So people: love each other". It's the ones we love and who love us who see us through life's tough times and good times.

A little Leon, Ray and Willie for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftEkEXFcQyE

(now see what you did rb) :)

(in case it is hard to tell, that is meant in a good way)

I can relate. I don't think God causes bad stuff like that to happen. I think it is Satan doing it to try and hurt and discourage people. Even tho I am upset that Mike passed a yr ago, I am not mad at God. I know God wouldn't purposely hurt me. I know God is there for me looking out for me or I wouldn't still have survived after Mike died. I have to try one day at a time to hang in there. I am so glad God is there for me. And I know Mike is a guardian angel looking out for me. He sent me 2 rainbows to comfort me.

I did up a gospel video of the Beatles song Help. I'm posting it here in case it might be an encouragement to someone:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbizipx_FOU

Wishing you peace and health and healing prayers and vibes. Prayers and vibes just said for ya...