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PostPosted: Wed Oct 27, 1999 5:06 pm
  

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--Preface--
We have known many things about Confusia(nee Leslie Ann Van Der Klam)(sorry AG), but we have forgotten most of them. But we, the unnamed scribes of Confusia's strange world, will attempt to share what we have remembered, and perhaps even what we have not.

---Chapter pick a number between 1 & 1,000,000, for we do not know how far along the timeline we are.---

Confusia set out along the coast sitting high in the saddle of her well tested and faithful armor-clad battle moose called Thunderhooves. Thunderhooves had a proud and intimidating rack, which Confusia complimented him on all the time. Thunderhooves often returned the compliment in kind. They had that type of relationship.
Confusia's eyes were always darting in every direction as she rode, as were the eyes of Thunderhooves.Warrior Amazons and Battle Mooses are bred that way, and are ever vigilant. They shared the knowledge, and the feeling , that this short peacful interlude in their lives was not going to last for long.Times like these never did for them, as it was their common destiny to defend those in need, and to battle evil at every turn.The peace they now shared was a gift, and they treated it as such, as they strode the shoreline while the waves broke at the feet of Thunderhooves. As Confusia was in a brief state of relaxation, Thunderhooves strained and flexed his huge head, turning his ear to the shoreline ahead. Confusia knew that Thunderhooves heard something that alarmed him, and that there peaceful resbite was over. Thunderhooves broke into a gallop and.....


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 15, 1999 11:52 pm
  

Darting eyes do not a warrior make that a double and then put another shrimp on the Barbie dolls are okay if you're a GIRL, but don't come looking for any of that stuff while I'm around or it'll be days and days before anything gets settled in for a long night's sleep when all of the sudden the Sudan was aflame with the tales of a new song and not only fat , but high in cholesterol and tasty too. Dang! this is a strange world and I've only made it to Thursday this week and then it's back on the boat and YOU"RE OUTTA HERE!!!! Comprendo Compadre!!??????

(The author wishes to apologize for this Sudan outburst, but it WAS inevitable. Nonethefurthermore Larry, chatter on, son; chatter on)

[This message has been edited by Ron (edited November 15, 1999).]


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 1999 3:28 pm
  

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Joined: Nov 26, 1999
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Thunderhooves broke into a gallop and.....

and Confusia leaned low against his neck, peering ahead, between his huge rack. Of antlers, ya sickos.

Thunderhooves shook his head, snorting in alarm at the sight before them. Confusia gasped. Could it be? But, no!!! The Giant Clam had been imprisoned in a tiny chatroom in another dimension. There, he consumed the flotsam and debris left by blunderers, in the tradition of their idol, the Folksinger.

And yet, there up ahead, stood the Giant Clam on his little clammy feet, looking at her with his little clammy eyes. Confusia thought quickly, and decided....


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 1999 2:57 pm
  

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.....That she had had enough of the Giant Clams, so she ordered the shrimp scampi instead.Confusia and Thunderhooves relaxed and had a fine meal, under cover of the thick underbrush that lined the shoreline. They kicked back until the clam was gone, and then they comtinued their journey up the coastline. It was futile to engage a Giant Clam in battle, when there was no one in immediate danger, and discression being the better part of valor, they knew they did the proper thing. Besides, they wanted to get home for the holidays. A short time later, as Confusia rode her trusty Thunderhooves further up the beach, Thunderhooves once again seemed to be alerted to something. Thunderhooves' ears perked up, and he gazed to the sky. "Oh my" said Thunderhooves, "Look at that". "Look at what?" asked Confusia. No sooner than her words fell silent, a great beast landed from the sky in front of them. " Randy?" asked Thunderhooves. The beast replied"Yes, Thunderhooves, my cousin, how are you?" Thunderhooves replied "I'm well, thank you, how have you been?" Before Randy could answer, Thunderhooves interrupted him by saying" Oh,I must introduce you two! Randy, this is Confusia, my master and partner in battle, Confusia, this is my cousin, Randy, the randy Reinmoose". Confusia and Randy exchanged greetings, and then Randy went on to tell Thunderhooves how he had in fact been. " Well Thunderhooves, I'm still on my quest. "I see" said Thunderhooves, "I wish you luck". Thunderhooves went on the explain Randy's quest to Confusia. "Reinmoose, are a cross between a reindeer and a moose", he went on to explain."The problem with this particular union, is that when a reindeer and a moose mate, they only produce male offspring". Thunderhooves went on "This proves to be a problem for heterosexual Reinmooses like Randy, in fact, that is how he got his name, Randy, the randy reinmoose. Randy had heard rumors, about a female reinmoose that was born around the same time he was, and had been on a quest to find her ever since." Confusia listened intently, as Randy said" I have been flying around for years, looking for her". Confusia and Thunderhooves cast knowing looks towards each other, and excused themselves for a moment, to engage in a private disscussion, in which they...............

[This message has been edited by Larry (edited December 12, 1999).]


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 1999 3:38 pm
  

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......decided that the only right thing to do was to fix Randy up with a female reinmoose. For Thunderhooves, this couldn't happen soon enough, as Randy, who had been without female companionship for some time, was starting to get just a little too familiar with him, even for a cousin. The problem was, then, how to find a girl friend for poor old Randy. "Could the answer be at the North Pole?", Confusia wondered aloud to her faithful companion.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 1999 4:00 pm
  

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Joined: Nov 26, 1999
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.....discussed Rita, a rather delicate and shaggy moosette, who lived nearby. They had met Rita as she waited on them, and, in the tradition of the wait staff at the restaurant, had joined them at their table. She had cracked jokes and cracked her cud, but she had left early, after sharing in the calamari - due to a terrible allergic reaction.

"She must be the female Reinmoose," insisted Confusia, "Rita looks like a combination of a Reindeer and a moose."

"No, she does not look like Randy at all," retorted Thunderhooves.

"Thunderhooves, males often look different than females. Think of the rooster compared to the hen. Think of the peacock compared to the peahen. Think of Dick Butkis compared to me. Think of yourself compared to Sheila..."

"Hey! You promised that you would never mention her name! But... maybe you are right. I would just hate to get Randy's hopes - or anything else - up."

"Randy!" Called Confusia. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving," said Randy.

"Here," replied Confusia, pulling a grease-stained doggy bag from under her cape. "It's still warm."

Randy opened the bag carefully and, placing his large moose nose at the top, inhaled deeply. "Squid?" he asked.

"Yes," Thunderhooves confirmed. "Calamari and Shrimp."

"Thanks, but no," said Randy, returning the bag, "seafood gives me hives. Can close my throat, even. It's a Reinmoose thing."

Confusia and Thunderhooves looked at each other and nodded. Thunderhooves turned back to his cousin and said..........


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 1999 8:05 pm
  

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....." Yeah" said Thunderhooves"I'm pretty sure that Rita is just a regular moosette, and not a reinmoose, Randy has eaten at that place before, and I'm sure he would have noticed". Confusia nodded in agreement.
"Randy" said Thunderhooves "I do have an idea". Randy's big moosey eyebrows raised a bit as he said "Go on..." to Thunderhooves.
"Well" continued Thunderhooves"It is very near Christmas, and it is rumored that there is a big family gathering of reindeer at the north pole this time of year...perhaps the reinmooses are invited as well?" Randy appeared agitated at the prospect of a North Pole visit, and then said" I was born at the north pole, in fact, you might have heard of my father. His name is Donner, he is Santa's lead reindeer". Confusia and thunderhooves nodded yes, and Randy continued" Well, I have not been back to the North Pole since I was a wee calf, you see I was considered an outcast by the other reindeer". Thunderhooves inquired" Didn't those reindeer learn anything after that whole Rudolph thing a few years back?". Randys head sunk as he replied"I suppose not."
Confusia had a look in her eyes that was unique to Amazon warriors and exclaimed" It's settled then! WE are going to the North Pole!". Randy looked deeply into the eyes of Confusia and Thunderhooves, and seeing the sincerity of their convictions, exclaimed" LET'S Get started!". Thunderhooves and Confusia began the task of felling trees to fashion a flight worthy reinmoose sled for the trip........

( editors note: C'mon Barb, Mikey, et al, I know you got some stories in you somewhere! HELP!)


[This message has been edited by Larry (edited December 16, 1999).]


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 1999 10:28 pm
  

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...so choosing from among the dryest they could find, the herd set about tieing logs firmly together, lashing smaller ones across the front and rear and one strong log diagonally to keep the craft from getting "whopperjawed" ...the herd worked together unsparingly fashioning a craft that would be suitable for snow, water, and as always the customary air travel they had become so fond of...
nearing completion in putting the final brush strokes to there ferris-wheel-looking sleigh, a rustling from the brush behind them just outside the woods stepped a small stump-legged pigmy deer, and in a deep raspy voice said, "hey, what are you guys doing? building an air-sleigh? what are you gonna do, go see santa? can i go?".....


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 1999 12:18 am
  

"Hmmmmmmm", murmured Confusia to Thunderhooves to Randy and all the way back in the corner where no one had ever bothered to go and find out what kind of mess just might be lurking around said corner that no one ever went to or even condsidered already.

"We gotta have some sort of ID!" exclaimed Randy. "I mean......I mean....we just don't go and let just anyone join up or otherwise comingle, if you take my meaning."

"I didn't take nothin'!" the pygmy deer calmly replied in a rather agitated fashion statement that would make your eyes roll right out of their sockets and into the porridge.

"I think you've misrepresented my meaning," retorted Randy....

"Yes, and to put it another way, what is your name then?" asked Thunderhooves all the while thinking in addition "You pygmy short deer moose of a silly thing".

"Hey, I heard that!!!!" responded the pygmy deer, whose name was Ralph. "And my name is not Ralph, it's Szyszybaloobah."

But his real name was not whatever he said, but was indeed Bob.

Confusia, being the wonderful and delightful gal that she was had indeed taken everything in and, quite frankly, had gotten lost at the point where Thunderhooves had been so puh-cy-coe-lee rude. "If this is the way it's gonna be, it ain't gonna be!" she exploded.

Truly repentant, Thunderhooves felt about as low as worm slime. He apologized to Bob the silly moose deer pygmy short and stubby thing (whose real name has yet to be revealed) and looking around noticed......


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 1999 12:48 am
  

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...a woman standing silent as she watched from a short distance away the discussion that had taken place...stepping forward, thunderhooves goes to welcome her with all the customary gestures and hoo-haa made as a way to invite the stranger to say a little about herself...not comfortable with who to address first, she announces generally that she had come from the other side of the mountain, then with an air of whimsy turns to the silly reindeer pigmy moose and asks where he intended to go in such a magnificent contraption as that? well to ralph (which is the real name of the pigmy reindeer moose) this was a great opportunity to announce that he along with the others were on their way to the north pole and that there was little time to stand around and talk about it, so she'd better hurry on up if she thought she were to come along with them, and rushing everyone to their seats he starts up the great contraption with a flick of a switch and a kick of a pedal and with the whirr of the wind whistling through the gears, the great contraption and all it's crew lift-off, north pole bound...


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2000 7:40 pm
  

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...the crew had been pondering the notion of being thousands of feet off the ground when someone spoke, "did anyone put a stearing wheel in this thing?"
...meanwhile a little girl turns to her mother and says, "mommy, look at the wobbling pin-wheel in the sky!" as at the same time the mother looks up the wheel streaks across the sky with the sound of screams trailing behind it...at that moment the little reindeer sprang to action, "ok, quiet down everyone and listen up, we will all have to work together to make this thing go the way we need it to go...now everyone follow my lead."...the little reindeer leaned to the left, the crew leaned to the left, and the pin-wheel went left. the little reindeer leaned to the right, the crew leaned to the right, and the pin-wheel went right. the little reindeer shouted out, "which way is north?" someone shouted and ponted north and they all leaned to the north...


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 09, 2000 11:50 pm
  

"Guys, I think I'm gonna blow," burbled Randy in a listless fashionable but still a bit short for his own good, doncha know. "All this leaning is givin' me motion sickness!"

Thunderhooves, wanting to calm his cousin, started to rub his–that would be Randy's–belly in a clockwise motion.

"Hey, whatthaheckareyadoin'!" jumped Randy in udder surprise.

"Not to worry Randy," cautioned Confusia. "Dunderheeves is using an old wives tail to accomplish that only which he can. You see it will calm your queeziness." And ya know, he did start to feel better. Blunderhaves pointed out he could do it himself and so Randy continued solo, feeling all that much better. Meanwhale......it was starting to get a bit colder, indicating I suppose that they were getting closer to their destination. Clifford, the silly reindeer moose pygmy short thing whose name may or may not really be Bob, noticed the shivers and figured it was not from excitement so much as it was the lowering temps, reached over and....*click*....turned on the heater. As warm air wafted over the occupants the woman, whose name has yet to be revealed but most surely may be Shirley but perhaps not, spoke up (or down as the case may be about $1.59 at most hardware and pharmacies in your area).

"Are we there yet?" Well, you know what happened then-Confusia and Randy and Thunderhooves and Jordan, the short pygmy reinmoose deer thing whose name could be Bob or Clifford or something altogether different, all rolled their eyes and trilled their r's and spoke Spanish like real troopers. All of the sudden.....


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2000 12:12 pm
  

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...a hush fell on the crew as the north pole and all it's snow and ice expressed itself across the landscape below...nearing the end of their magnificent trek in the sky, each waited for the initial inclination for the descent below...each looking for the first prompts and cues from the other that would signal the agreed landing of the great contraption...each one careful not to be the first to flinch thus to forfeit the notion that hovered in the air to simply fly past and head for warmer pastures...


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2000 4:03 pm
  

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... Confusia could clearly make out the red and green landing lights that outlined the runway of snow before them, which was sprawled out as if a huge pure white down quilt.Confusia's approach was cut short however when an elfen voice came over the wireless and instructed our brave travelers to maintain a holding pattern at ten thousand feet and await landing instructions.....


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2000 11:42 pm
  

Finally, the elfin voice came back through the misty radio silence granting clarence to land. So our intrepid travelers did just fat. As they approached the landing area they noticed two larger than elfin figures standing beside the area, next to the third green light on the left and just across from the 13th red light at the top of the area and just below the ledge on the northeast corner.

As they touched down, everyone looked to Confusia for a sign. Confusia, knowing that as leader the rest expected her to do something, did. "All hail and a good day to you," she spoke speaking. "I and my cohorts have travelled long to get here. Who might you be?"

"Howdy ma'am, my name's Skip; Skip Toomaloo. And this his my companion Legs Akimbo. She's the brains of the outfit, so to speak."

Ms. Akimbo smiled that smile she always does when Skip says that because she knows it's true (and so does he doggone it!)

"Skip, Skip Toomaloo, my darling," said Ms. Akimbo affectionately in a dignified way, "you are much too kind, but correct as always. Who might you folks be?"

Well, you could see this one coming from a coupla blocks away. Confusia introduced everyone except for the unamed members amongst them including Bob or Simon or whatever Ralph-the short, silly, pygmy moose reindeer thing of an entity's name was.

"Ya see, Legs and I are private detectives," drawled Skip. "We got a tip that there may be something amiss in the vicinity and drove over to case the joint, if you gather my meaning."

Confusia was about to respond when......


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