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PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2000 2:24 pm
  

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...suddenly the lights went out, and when they came back on no-one was standing in the exact same place they were, in fact they were altogether somewhere else...still seemingly the north pole, but in a large hall with a dressed-out table and a jolly robust man standing at the end of the room..."hungry?" the robust gentleman asked.
"you must be santa claus!" the pigmy deer stepped forward and said.
"yes, you are correct!" laughed santa "...and who might you be?" he asked the little reindeer in return.
"well," the little reindeer thought carefully "it seems to me i used to know my name down to the last letter...but now i'm certain i have no idea what it is..." then with an authoritative tone added, "it must be some sort of polar amnesia!" his eyes cocked askew, making him look more like a billy goat than anything else (thought santa to himself) then with a laugh he (that would be santa) turns his gaze to the silent woman in an effort to say, "and what is your name then, dear lady?" to which she responded casting her eyes skyward, whistling a tune she was making up in her head on the spot as if to say she were completely unaware of the question and answer session or at the very least that she wasn't in the slightest degree interested in it at any rate...at least for the moment.
"ah, she's just shy..." confusia stepped in, then in a restrained yet harried tone, "how about some grub, bub?" and they all had a hearty laugh and upon santa's open-arm welcome all sat down to a feast "that couldn't be beat" (at least not this far north of the equator...a little further south however and that would be another story altogether)...


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2000 12:42 am
  

As they began to dine, Skip couldn't resist a question.

"How long have you lived at this address?" he asked the jolly one otherwise known as the Fat Zap.

"Why, I've been here since before you were born I would suspect," replied the red clad laughing boy.

Ms. Akimbo, sensing that there just might be more here than meats the eye gave Skip one of those sideways glances that always knocks him for a loop. "Are there any others that live with you here?" she queried.

"Why Ms. Akimbo–may I call you Legs–there are many others here with me. Why there are several elves who help in making and testing the gifts that I distribute every year."

Confusia, Thunderhooves and Randy were about to dig into their salads when Legs picked up something faintly in the background. She leaned over to Skip and whispered, "Toomaloo, do you hear that?"

"Yeah, it sounds like singing, but I can't make out the words. The tune is familiar though, but I can't place it," burped Skip dejectedly. Confusia, overhearing the conversation Legs and Skip were having interjected, "I hear it too."

"What is troubling you all?" asked their fat host.

"We are hearing something that sounds like singing. Pray, what is it?" responded Confusia. The jolly old fellow cocked his head sideways like that was gonna help him hear better and looked intently into the distance. As he did so the singing got gradually louder.

"Hey, I think I know what they're singing. It's an old spiritual isn't it?" blurted Randy.

"Why yes," said Skip and he began to sing along. "Rocket mazola in the blizzard of marzipan, Pocket payola in a big greasy frying pan, Socket bankrolla in the wizard of Haversham, Oh rocket mazola.....

Legs rolled her eyes and Thunderhooves had milk coming out of his nose from the laughter he was experiencing. Confusia was on the floor in stitches, but the fat laughing jolly guy in the red suit sat expresionless. Randy noticed (and not a minute too soon) and exclaimed, "Hey look!!!!".......


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2000 11:21 am
  

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".....What are these seeds doing in the brownies!?"


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 31, 2000 1:41 pm
  

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...just then a loud crash was heard on the roof, then tumbling down the chimney and out of the fireplace rolls a woman in tropical island paradise attire and a parachute...only lightly scorched she picks herself up and scans the room, locking eyes with ms. legs akimbo...holding eachother's gaze they approach one another...almost gliding above the floor they meet, the tropically clad woman speaks, "legs? legs akimbo?" in an almost whisper, legs responds, "yes?" to which the tropically clad woman responds in response smiling, "coconut shells here, coconut shells akimbo." to which the entire party went, "aaaaw..." leaving the twins who had been separated at birth alone so they could catch up on old times, at which time santa says, "it don't get no better than this..." putting on his 3-d glasses...just then, randy, the ever observant one, turns and sees...

[This message has been edited by agnes (edited Jan 31, 2000).]


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2000 11:12 pm
  

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9 reindeer plainly in sight:
"...and how was your flight on this wintery night?"
"i'm afraid our flight wasn't quite right...could be the fuel was tight."
"did the winds give you a plight of fight?"
"the winds were not light and gave us quite a fright, making us weave everywhere in sight."
"is that right?"
"quite."
"now at the end of this flight when the winds were not light and the plight of fight gave you quite a fright...i suspect you are now all here and alright?"
"quite alright, now how 'bout a bite?"


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 10, 2000 11:05 pm
  

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...suddenly, as if by a gust of wind the door to the great hall flew open and a mysterious and meandering pedaler otherwise known as (or otherwise noted, a.k.a.) juniper zoo esquire, the mysterious meandering pedaler on her imfamous 2 wheeler, pedals in, "whew! this sure is one traveling group (and a hard one to keep up with at that!)" then turning to the silent woman whose name no-one knew (and who was decidedly seated closest to the door) says,
"hi! remember me?"
"remember you?! ha! (if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black i don't know what is!)" the silent woman responded...the pedaler then continuing, "but who are all these folks?...there-is-some-thing-kind-a-strange-go-ing-on-here...," looking primarily at the short, low statured pigmy deer 'entity', then continuing, 'no kidding, is this some sort of hologram?" moving her head from side to side to try and strike an angle that might convince her of otherwise. confusia, being the gal in charge that she is, steps forward and so too sensing the sense the pedaler sensed, added her 2 cents, "tell me what you mean, i'm not sure i understand." the pedaler still leaning this way and that all the while trying to get at a better angle replies, "i don't know...it's almost like some sort of misty mystical dream, like some sort of alternate universe...i mean, where are the others?...i remember great crowds gathered, confusion as far as the eye could see and as wide as the mind could stretch and as long as...."
"who are you, again?" confusia interupted (as she might not get a word in edgewise, otherwise)
"i am a traveler, a pedaler on my bike. i go where my heart leads me, it lead me here, though i'm surprised as i thought "here" was somewhere else, someplace different...but silly me, "here" is "here" and i just don't know...(they must be here somewhere...)"


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 11, 2000 6:45 pm
  

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...." The trouble is, once you take off the training wheels, you never know where you are gunna end up!" said the Pedaler. " And even now, in a place where I think I know where I am, I don't" continued the Pedaler. " In a place like this, with all manner of life as it is,Mooses, Reinmooses, Tropical people with coconut clad breasts and parachutes,a fat guy in a red suit with reindeer and a sliegh, A warrior Amazon, with metal clad breasts,a runway of snow, elves in control towers ,in a place where every direction you peer in is south.......I don't know, all these things should give me a clue as to where I am, but geography is not the only thing one needs to know where one is". " I feel, that with all this stuff around me, and with what is going on, I am either at a folk concert,in the audience of "Let's Make a Deal", or paying for those speckled mushrooms that were on the pizza I had for lunch". As the Pedaler tightened down the last lugnut that held the snow tires that she had just installed on her 2 wheeled unicycle, she could be seen with a confused look on her face, as she was trying to ride off into the sunset, but since all directions from where she was were south, and the sun sets in the west, she found this to be a quizzlement......

[This message has been edited by Larry (edited Feb 11, 2000).]


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2000 12:07 am
  

"Now hold on just a minute," burped Toomaloo. "I'd just like to ask you a few more questions if you don't mind."

Legs and Coco (as she is affectionately know by her sister Legs) had caught up sufficiently to be once more involved with the to-do that was brewing.

"Certainly," replied the Pedaler. "And who might you be?"

"The name's Toomaloo...", but before he could finish Legs broke in and said, "Skip Toomaloo, my darling (refering to the Pedaler-not Skip).

"Funny, that sounds like a song I vaguely remember from my youth", implored the Pedaler. "Who might you be?"

"I'm Legs Akimbo and this is my long lost sister Coco, ah, that would be Coconut Shells Akimbo to be specific."

"How truly delightful to meet you both," smiled the Pedaler.

"Hey what about me!?" sighed Randy, who had found Coco quitely appealing in a rather different way that we just cannot discuss at this junture in time, but perhaps will at a later date.

"This is Randy. That is Thunderhooves, his cousin. And this is Bob or Ralph or Jerry or Edward-we're not too sure," beamed Confusia. All of the sudden the Fat Zap cleared his throat (and the room I might add, but that would be too silly) and said.....


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 13, 2000 1:09 am
  

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...among other things, "please come back and visit, won't you?" his cheeks all aglow (from the cold arctic air - probably) ...and the pedaler aloft once again and with her customary arm-up-and-over-the-head salute, bade the party a fond adieu (that's french for "see ya later"...or something like that)
"happy to have met you!" she said, "...until next time!" disappearing over the horizon.
as the party began to reconvene, legs and coco (the faraway twins) with their noses pressed against a window could distinguish far-off-and-away something approaching in the distance...


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2000 9:56 pm
  

"Hey Toomaloo, whaddaya make of this?" queried Legs.

Skip quickly downed the nog he was sipping and trundled over to the window to see what Legs and Coco were noticing. Randy, Thunderhooves, and Confusia (along with the short pygmy reinmoosedeer whose name is just to long too pronounce and I didn't feel like mentioning although it seems I have anyway) were involved in a game of Twister of an intensity not to be matched on this side of the hemisphere and, so, didn't notice.

"Why it looks like some sort of plane," opined Skip. "Mr. Claus, were you expecting any company? It looks like we're gonna have some at any rate. (how about 5% apr)"

"Why no," said the rotund red-clad one. "Can you make out any markings on the craft?"

"I'm not too sure, but the letters on the side of the plane appear to be..." Coco's voice trailed off as a look of apprehension came over her face (beautiful though it was).

"I.R.S.!!!!" exclaimed Legs and Skip at once and loud enough that even the Twister participant's concentration was broken. All out pandemonium ensued as everyone scrambled to find a place to hide, a back door or just another big jelly donut.

"Never fear," spoke Confusia with calm reassurance. "I'll take care of the interlopers. Do not panic!" At the end of her words a knock came on the big oak door to Mr. Claus's abode...

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Message edited by Ron on Apr 01, 2000 @ 08:59 PM ---</FONT></center>


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 11, 2000 11:51 am
  

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...the doors to the great hall slowly opened to reveal two starched and creased looking characters, whom after a dutiful yet hasty exchange of glances bade themselves come in..."greetings, i'm thursday and this is bob." to which the short
and stubby pygmy moose deer pricked up his ears like he was having a flashback or something...after which a (not to mention) very serious looking starched and creased pair of characters continued in tandem,
"is this the dwelling of s. claus?"
"that would be short for santa claus."
confusia turning to santa claus for a sign of approval or otherwise gets an affirmative gesture...santa, rising above the table like the smoke from a freshly struck match (which is quite a trick when you think about it) speaks,
"may i help you two gentlemen?"
after another significant yet subtle exchange of glances between them, the starched and pressed pair continue...
"do you have any idea what the date is?"
"why it's.......?" pondered santa.
"it's practically april 15th mr. claus. do you have any idea what that means?"
"mr. claus, it means christmas is over."
"that is, until next christmas."
...santa stood blinking vacantly...
"by the way mr. claus, you are due a refund." and the starchy pair turned and left....after which santa flicked a switch that turned off the christmas lights and which opened the door to the claus cave revealing a vintage '65 chrysler newport (a whale of a car)..."road trip!"


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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2001 6:29 pm
  

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It took a year to gas up this old whale of a car, and they were off!............


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 9:47 pm
  

Now going off on a road trip with this many strange and varied participants was something of an adventure that had never been nor would ever be again. At the end of the drive a certain reluctance crept into Confusia's thinking and she cleared her throat to a suitably subtle way at which everyone turned towards her to hear what it was she had to say...

"I don't know how to say this but I think that Thunderhooves and I should be getting back....." as her voice trailed off seeing the disappointment come over everyone's face perhaps she had been too hasty she thought. What to do....

At that moment the car phone in the red clad fellas car rang.

"Hello, Claus here. Yes, they are here would you like to speak to them? Yes, I can relay the message. Very well, and a good night to you also."

"Skip, Ms. Akimbo; that was someone known as Quizzled Cat. He mentioned there is case he is working on and needs your expert help. He said you would know what to do."

"Boy howdy do we!!!" exclaimed Skip. "Well, Legs guess we better head out and see what QC is up to.....SNORT, GULP!!, HMMMM, YAWN!!!!

"What a strange dream that was, yet delightful too," thought the Pedaler out loud to herself. And so it was.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:05 pm
  

Or, perhaps, wasn't. You, dear reader must decide.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2018 9:16 pm
  

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But, as you see (or is it read? I'm not too sure.) it may have been a dream, but from another angle it wasn't. The Pedaler, after visiting this motley crue (or is it crew), had stopped on her journey and took a nap. Well, taking a nap after a visit like the visit at the Pole causes one to incorporate reality with dream - pleasant though it was. (The car part? - that was the dream. ya see. This here following part? - that's not the dream but back to the reality.)

Yah see, the problem was Confusia and Thunderhooves had still not actually really accomplished that to which they had endeavored - mainly finding a girl reinmoose for Randy - poor love forsaken soul that he was (We gotta get you a woman. It's like nothing else to make you sure you're alive . . ). I mean, I mean they hadn't even checked out the stables the large, red clad, jolly sort of gentleman (yes, dear reader, Santa) had at his disposal. After all they had figured the presence of a female reinmoose was likely since Randy had mentioned that he had lived in this exact location when he was a wee lad. Besides (what?) Randy had also mentioned that Donner was his father. )("I had a girl, Donner was her dad, Since she left me, I've never been so sad" with the most sincerest of apologies to R. Valens) (He's dead, ya know. And dead men tell no whales - whether on their chest or not. Ho-ho-ho and a bottle of yum!) As Skip, Ms Akimbo (both of 'em) and the short, pygmy rein moose deer thing whose name we really don't care about any more or any less had left, Confusia and Thunderhooves had realigned their sights and set about to get down and get funky and get to the bottom of was there or was there not a female reinmoose here at the Pole for good 'ol Randy, eh?!


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