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PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2002 11:35 pm
  

"Well, okay," replied the security officer cautiously. "But no funny stuff, okay?!"

"Most certainly not in your lifetime or that of a Mongolian swamp rat," chided Bumper effervescently.

As they stepped from the turbolift they were greeted by the sheer din of music and frivolity not seen nor matched ever before except on the planet below which all this recent beamage had occurred on and in and to. And, yes, it seemed the San Cisco siblings were at the fore and aft and below without so much as a clue to what they all were doing, but to say "Could you pass that salsa over here please?"

"Hot chili is groovy after a movie
or watchin' TV.
But when you order
south of the border soon you'll see.
It's hotter than noon
It will melt your spoon
So buddy you better get ready
For eatin' hot chili
It's not silly
To eat hot chili...."emanated from every nook and cranny of the room while the crew carried on and on - some dancing, some eating, some just lounging. What's a mother to do??!!?

Just then the burpolift doors open again and lo and behold, the captain steps out.....


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2002 6:19 pm
  

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...the captain steps out, and with one leg extended forward, lands (finally) onto the planet below the spaceship which had landed onto the planet which was below...and with the lick of a finger held high into the air, follows against the warm summer breeze to where he believed the bathers to be (and which is where they were).
...meanwhile, another of the planet's inhabitants had found her way onboard the ship by way of the pushing of a big red button located at the base of the ship, transporting her in a tingly kind of way onto the ship's bay where as it turned out looked to be where some of the music festival had moved to.
"cool!"
she said, as a gust of wind (which happened to be bumper who with a look of fierce determination and purpose in his eyes was accompanied by a guard on either side of him) went rushing past in a blur of swirling colors and incense.
the newest "stowaway" whose name is...let's see...penny. ...penny decided that in following them she may be able to find out what might be happening at the core of this new section of the festival so as to not go on too lightly an assumption that it's just another branch. (whatever vibes she came onto the ship with, the ones she had been picking up now seemed different, if only slightly) .......


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2002 6:46 pm
  

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....Penny Penny was by trade a music critic for a great intersteller newspaper, and decided to put her two cents in on this story by dropping a dime on the whole goings on.The trouble was she didn't have a nickles worth of sense. She decided to make her way to the quarterdeck where she found the bar, and she ordered up a mint schnapps, and settled back to look, learn and listen....


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2002 7:53 pm
  

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...sitting at the bar with 2 large imposing figures seated at either side of her, one of the figures pushes the glass in front of penny and says, "your drink." penny pushes the glass back in the direction from whence it came and said, "i believe you are mistaken, i don't drink that....bartender?" penny calls, "cognac, straight, no ice."
the figure to the left pushes a packet in front of her and says, "these are your instructions, follow them to the letter." penny opened the packet, read through it's contents, took a key and handed the rest back saying, "i'll improvise." and as the cognac was placed before her at the bar, she slid it to the figure to the right saying, "your drink." as she got up, turned and walked way....


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 02, 2002 8:01 am
  

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...the bartender called to her, "Hey, who's paying for these drinks? Somebody owes me 20
blutons." "20 blutons? At these prices, it's no wonder nobody drinks here anymore." With that, penny continued on her way, leaving the bartender and the two hulks with quizzled looks on their faces.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 18, 2002 7:46 pm
  

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...and so, they looked on as penny penny walked away, lone, far far into the distance....and the hours turned into days, and the days into weeks, and the weeks into more weeks, when suddenly (as is how it is prone to happen) from almost out of nowhere just outside the circle of two large persons came an abrupt shout from an extra large fellow who had been sitting still and quiet for as long as anyone had noticed,
"play 'way down yonder'!" which startled most everyone present, but started the band playing as though they'd been turned on by a switch. a more lively rendition of "way down yonder" would have been hard to imagine. and while it drew a round of applause from the crowd, the man who had requested it sat stock still with a severe, near pained looked over his face.
...when again he shouts, "play 'way down yonder'!" the band had been more than happy to play it the first time and with their enthusiasm still brimming and in tact they crank out another enthusiastic rendition of "way down yonder" with the audience following in stride with yips and hollers and all the while the man who requested it looking more and more pointed until the very end of the tune when he sprang forward cursing, "&*^%$@!!!"
...suddenly from out of the crowd a hand reaches out from yet another extra large fellow, big and burly and yet gently his hand reaches out resting on the shoulder of the one who's belligerence seemed to both alienate and captivate, both mystify and clarify, both (well anyway...) and at which time who's head snaps around thoroughly startled and yet much to his semi-pleasant surprise finds the gaze of his very good friend..."let's get out of here." says he, and lending his other hand, helps the man up from his seat and both head out into the air and sun making their way to the soft banks of a nearby tributary jumping with catfish and northern pike...
"WHOOPEE-DOOPEE!"----KASPLOOGE!

meanwhile though, back at the starship....


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2002 5:48 pm
  

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...back at the starship however tuck and lulu were in the middle of a weak attempt at rounding up the troops along with any souvenirs they may have accumulated (trying to bring the captain away from his skinny dipping rendezvous, his argument being, "what is the good of being the captain of a star fleet if you can't go skinny dipping!!" (really, that's what he said, i'm not making it up.) had been a challenge until tuck had the idea to convince a few of the bathers to come along. (it seemed like a good idea at the time).)
...so in their haste had accommodated an accumulated hodgepodge of a crew and were in the middle of roll call as they shot back out into space when, and as if he didn't know this was coming, came a bellow from scotchy in the belly of the ship, "capt'n! the bladder antibladder stream is about to burst...i can't hold out much longer!" followed by a response from the bridge, "scotchy, the captain is a little predisposed at the moment (if you know what i mean) are you trying to say that we need to make an emergency landing? (over)"
(long pause)
"okay, right scotchy, we'll take care of it...."
and so in desperation the crew scrambled and pointing out a landing pad on a nearby planet went to make an emergency landing when they noticed two well mannered men in matching suits, with straight dark sideward coiffed hair, gesturing to the ship and it's crew to come in for a landing....

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by agnes on Apr 22, 2002 ---</FONT></center>


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 27, 2002 7:24 pm
  

Well, this was one BIG ship and the process of landing a BIG ship like this was a BIG undertaking for crew and landing pad alike.

"Are you entirely sure you know what I'm doing, Tuck?" quizzed the Captain.

"Yes Captain, it would appear we are landing the BIG ship on the landing pad below."

"Does the site appear to be safe, Tuck?"

"Yes, Captain, but I do detect a very low level of radiation. I'll try to do a further analysis. We do have a few minutes before touch down."

"How soon for touchdown Lu-Lu?"

"5 minutes, sir." Suddenly Tuck interrupted, "Captain!"

"Yes, Tuck, what is it?"

"That low level radiation is some kind of force field. At this distance it is quite harmless, but if we land the strength of the field increases expotentially to a level that will crush the ship and kill everyone onboard."

"How long do we have to reverse course without suffering any damage?" asked the Captain as the sound of metal flexing ever so slightly emanated into the bridge.

"15.4 seconds Captain."

"Lulu, the Hindelick Remover, at once!!!" shouted the Captain quietly. "It's are only hope!!!!" The Hindelick Remover had only been used in simulations by any of those in the BlunderFleet. It is said that a cadet long ago had executed this ploy successfully, but the heads of BlunderFleet had never endorsed it's use due to the precision necessary to accomplish it successfully was long thought to be impossible to duplicate with any precision which was precisely the problem. Suddenly a bright light filled the entire bridge as the sensation of twisting and acceleration shoved the crew into their seats or to the floor.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 28, 2002 12:05 pm
  

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...of course every cadet was taught that the Hindelick Remover was something only to be used in the face of certain defeat, because it so resemmbled kissing ones own ass goodbye....

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by Larry on Dec 28, 2002 ---</FONT></center>


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 29, 2002 1:09 am
  

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...while at the same time is exactly the reason it is called the Hindelick Remover, so's to remove the impending likelihood of a gloomy hindelicking.
...and so, there they were, neither more nor less all precisely and smack dab in the middle of one hell of a precise Hindelick Remover...twisting and accelerating while the crew lay flat pressed against the floor and as the twisting sensation turned more to one of spinning, tuck tried to center on one focal point when he managed to catch the ever comforting captain's face whose expression seemed one of permanent surprise, and although they were maintaining a gradual and consistent acceleration his unyielding expression seemed to alternately disappear in a blur and to reappear abruptly from the opposite direction. while tuck lay against the floor enduring increasing pressure from what seemed a third direction he began to feel as though the life would soon be squeezed right out of him and at just the moment when he thought it would become unbearable, what had begun as an increasing brilliance filling the bridge exploded into a blinding flash and with it a sensation of weightlessness then of soaring blind and deaf through the air, followed by the sudden cold impact of the floor as he began slapping at it in an attempt to hold on. gradually he began to make out some sound, color and shapes that while vague became increasingly familiar to him, and as his returning equilibrium flapped him over onto to his back he began to realize he was no longer bound to the floor nor soaring into oblivion with a fierce ringing in his ears, but laying back amongst the blunderfleet and seeing out the portal of the star ship blunderer...


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2003 10:20 pm
  

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...just then, sparkydon sprang to his feet and snorted, "close the door, eh? it's cold outside!" but no sooner had the words left his lips when did nathen blow past security waving a shillelagh (jewel encrusted) high above his head.
"...and i don't care if you do have a two piece custom jewel encrusted shillelagh!" larry thundered forth ramblingly, leaving behind him a trail that seemed to beckon all on board, most of all scotchy who most urgently made a break for the woods in a noticeably peculiar manner.
suddenly, as though a thought had somehow gotten the better of him, the captain, with a look of utter disappointment over his face asks, "in all this planet hopping, does anyone happen to know which planet we are now on?"
when sparkydon spoke up confidently saying, "from the looks of it and based on my knowledge of things, i'd guess we were in the midst of a nudist colony planet consisting of two dimensional nudists, one of whom seems to have nathen in a headlock."
"two dimensional?!"
...the idea intrigued the crew (that which it was) to no end and had them running over to see for themselves how this might look. what they saw were sentient beings who were visible straight on but became invisible when turned sideways. another detail that seemed not to escape the attention of our brave and observant crew was that they were unable to determine with any certainty the sex of anyone in the colony, all of whom appeared asexual which brought to mind the unspoken question, how was it there were so many of them, not that they were overcrowded, but how did they reproduce?
when just at that very moment, a rare and miraculous thing occurred while the crew looked on in silence...


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2003 9:40 pm
  

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To their amazement, another group of two-dimensional nudists appeared, only they were visible only as crawling on the surface of the planet. That is, they moved and existed in every direction except up. The captain quickly dubbed these as the "flatlanders" and the others he called the "wafer people." Were these people one and the same, he wondered? How, in fact, did they reproduce?


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2003 11:21 pm
  

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...no sooner had the capitan (yes that's capitaine) blurted out his thoughts on this (scientifically speaking), when wyldflower ever so intuitively gasps,
"well naturally they are one in the same, the "flatlanders" are baby "wafer people" who haven't yet learned to walk so they're crawling don't ya know!"
(followed by a general nod of uncertainty from the crew)
and yet, the effervescent question pertaining to how any of this is possible still burned, even as it was pushed further and further toward the back burner with not much to keep anyone focused on it as they were entirely too distracted by their new surroundings and all it's water-like shape shifting and carrying on to get used to...


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2003 6:11 pm
  

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Of course the science officer on board, Mr. Tuck was a first cousin once removed to the famous Mr. Spock,the son of Dr. Spock. This geneolgy made Mr. Tuck sort of an expert on babies.
Mr. Tuck explained to the captain and the crew that these two dimentional humanoids reproduced with the aid of a Xerox machine.
He went on to explain that what occured "between the sheets", really did occur between the sheets. Sheets being a slang term for two dimentional beings used mostly by three and four dimentional beings.
Some of the crew found this hard to understand and wanted the captian to shower the planet with a viagra ray through the main deflector in the hopes that it would make the two dimentional beings three dimentional. The captain explained that this would of course violate the prime directive, and these two dimentional beings were meant to be that way, and they wished to stay that way.To make his point, he asked the crew how they would like it if the two dimentional beings were to bombard them in a George Dubya ray, making them two dimentional? They crew took the point and understood, with the exception of the science officer. Mr. Tuck pointed out to the captain that a bombardment of George Dubya rays would make somebody one dimentional, not two dimentional.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2003 7:17 pm
  

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Well, the crew could not argue with Mr. Tuck's logic on that point. Feeling he had to do something dramatic to really convince them, however, he hit the ADD TONER switch on the ship's console. Almost immediately, all hell broke loose on the planet as wafer people and flatlanders began a veritable orgy of reproduction! Some of the younger crew members had to shield their eyes from the scene, which went on and on until, mercifully, the OUT OF PAPER indicator finally came on. The planet was now filthy with all kinds of two-dimensional beings. What happened next was actually quite predictable under the circumstances.


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