Ah, now you'll have me digging in the back of the closet for my own boxes of old Dallas Notes and other assorted underground papers that carried R. Crumb ... I wonder how they'll read this far from having that colorful gleam in the eye. Or will they (sort of) bring it back? Only the Evil Genius knows.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PSBeaty:

good point Larry! but i hate that feeling!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I hate that feeling too, which is why I've decided not to wear any pants when I hear bush speak on the tv anymore.

Black Sabbath huh? I remember as a teenager in the early to mid 70's laying on my back the floor of my friends house cranking some Black Sabbath with one of the stereo speakers a foot away from each ear. Might explain some things....huh? <img src="http://www.arlo.net/ubb/smilies/smile.gif" width=15 height=15>

awww, psb...it's just a snapshot in my memory. the whole neighborhood was like an r crumb cartoon...there were seventh day adventists here and there though, since there was said church nearby. a walk to the corner store for some milk and you could see all kinds of things. i remember once a friend of mine and i were sitting on a wall somewhere halfway between the corner store and home, right across the street from the firehouse in the middle of town and come zooming around the turn in a car was someone who had just shined us the moon, a luminous orb in all it's glory...(a sampling of the kind of randomness). we clapped our hands over our eyes and laughed so hard we fell off the wall in a heap...it's not like there was a great deal of distance between the wall where we sat and the curb they screamed around, not in terms of your view i mean...

I must relate that this morning as I was driving down I83 to work a debilitating cloud of SHAME descended upon me! I am not sure of the sequence of events that followed but I appear to have lost control of reality as the horror of what I have done set in, set in deep to the bone, I have compromised my reputation as a good and descent right minded New Age Man!!!! You can probably understand my mixed bag of feelings: depression, alienation, anxiety confusion and SHAME, my psyche was crushed as I began to reorient myself to the sound of honking motorists and flying fingers (“you m#4%67F9890in’ bum get off the road” hoooooonkkk). It all came back to me. The words, the embarrassing words about redheads in cemeteries and proclivity toward potential sexual perversions (given the chance of course). How can I regain my reputation as a good clean cut all American boy. Let me think, I gotta think. I know, I can create a computer virus that will destroy the Internet and my damning words will be erased forever and I will be left to hide behind my guilt, dashing forever through the alleys of the e-world but maintaining a fine pure façade for the real world to see. But no, that just isn’t possible. There must be another way to hide this SHAME. My mind was calculating and thinking as I continued on to work; what was the solution?

But wait, my reputation is only compromised in the minds of a few liberal agitators that are more concerned with their peace love dove world changing schemes than caring about me and my little perverse mind. I can handle that! If it is only that bunch well, lets be honest, who cares. Anyone with real moral fiber probably will dismiss anything they have to say without a thought. I am good. I will dissociate from that Liberal think tank Group W Bench bunch and reinvent myself anew, I can do this, I know I can.

One problem, what if Arlo reads it. I can’t dissociate myself from Arlo. I don’t mind those others but if Arlo thinks I am some kind of perverted weirdo, I just couldn’t carry on. Oh my God, I wonder if actually comes around reading this crap. HMMMM Probably not! Surely not! He is a famous Folk Singer and he must be to busy doing Famous Folk Singer stuff to really come around here and read this stuff. I’m safe. I’m cool. ITS COOL!!! I’m cool! But his name is around here and occasionally he does that agd post thing. No surely he dos not read this crap, surely not! What can I do? What Can I do? I Know:

HEY ARLO. IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE ROAMING ABOUT THIS SITE DO NOT READ ANYTHING WRITTEN BY PSBEATY! HE IS A BIT TOUCHED IN THE HEAD AND IT IS REALLY NOT WORTH YOUR TIME BEING AN INPORTANT FOLKSINGER AND ALL!!! THANK YOU!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PSBeaty:

I must relate that this morning as I was driving down I83 to work a debilitating cloud of SHAME descended upon me!
!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


The cure may be easier than you think! just try switching to de-caf for the morning commute.<img src="http://www.arlo.net/ubb/smilies/smile.gif" width=15 height=15>

coffee without caf, what, are you a communist

This Walter Langer? www.cassiopaea.org/cass/hitler.htm

PSB it's everyone else that's touched in the head not you.
I would love to read any book you wrote.Real stuff about real people.
I mean when you were talkin' about the red haired girl in the cemetary I could see it all in my mind, and a perverted weirdo lurking behind a tombstone lusting after her. (in between seein' Larry No Pants bump his head)
You can't just change your mind like you change your pants.
You would definately be on THE LIST I'm worried they've been puttin' something in your coffee. Don't worry.. if the brainwashing works we will come rescue you and de program your mind.
If we can rescue the Folkslinger, we can rescue you.


What's it all about. What is it???

Flakey Foont says "Mr Natural, what does it all mean?" The Natch answers, "Don't mean shit!" THe cover of Zap Comix #2.

I guess this is a debatable conclusion with certain points of reference and all. I myself have a very clear and precise simple scientific answer that most people dismiss out of hand because they need it to mean something more. It is like the response to evolution that it has to be more, certainly man's signficance, his veritable role as best in class of the animal kingdom, surely this is not the result of mere happenstance and environment!!!

THERE MUST HAVE BEEN A GUIDING HAND THAT CREATED SUCH A PERFECT SPECIMEN AS MAN! (Certainly you can picture me standing here at my computer screen pointing my right index finger to the heavens shouting this undeniable truth of truths!!!)

and the beat goes on, and the beat goes on

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PSBeaty:

Flakey Foont says "Mr Natural, what does it all mean?" The Natch answers, "Don't mean shit!" THe cover of Zap Comix #2.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

that's the card i sent! on the card, along with a man peering over a high wood fence was also a baby (??) wearing a bonnet who is also looking over the fence and also waiting for mr. natural's response who seemed to speak with a bit of an accent.
a-course, i didn't think much about what it meant in my sending it, which may have been the whole point.

I got caffeine in the coffee and its Saturday morning and I ask the great question, where will it go?

I recall a Thanksgiving evening in 1983 (I believe), I was hanging with family and friends and I was feeling good, Ya. But tonight, that night, I was nostalgifying, trying to recapture a part of my world that I transcended from but I was still connected too! I was hanging with my old friend from the 70’s, Tim, the Arkie whose mother had shipped to Oklahoma from Bakersfield to live with his alcoholic father and Krylon brother after he got caught getting psychedelic in Kern Canyon. In the high school years, Tim and I had spent most of our time listening to music and trying to expand our minds in ways that was frowned upon at U S Grant High. The years had separated us and I hadn’t seen Tim for awhile and it was through one of those bizarre circumstances that I had a spare ticket for the CSN concert in the Myriad and, being Thanksgiving and all, I called up Tim, “what is happening dude?”

Well, Tim shows up and wanting to recapture the old spirit we indulged in the “little smoke”. We were hangin’, drinkin’ cold beer and talking about old times and how time flies. I don’t know, I recall looking in my hand and seeing 4 purple pills, and I am not sure what happened next, but I remember looking in my hand and they were gone. It must have been 30 minutes or so and I began smiling and laughing and we began recalling some of the more bizarre experiences from our previous time zones involving purple pills or stamps with the image of old Natch and stuff like that. I remember we were parked in the upper level of a parking lot in downtown OKC waiting for the show and cranking some mixed bag of CSN music trying to recreate some magic. I recall Laughing, I recall Laughing permeating the space, “I thought, I met a man, who said, he new a man, who new, what was going on!, I was mistaken, it was only a reflection of a child and he was Laughing” We were sitting there quiet, all of us doing our own zone thing to the words of the song and the Garcia rumble of psychedelic pedal steel guitar.

As I reflect I can’t remember specifically but I can recall the fragile feeling in my soul as we passed through the crowds in the lobby and if anybody spoke to me I probably responded in incoherent mumbles but my brain was focused and clear inside, just a tad delayed from reality. The rest of the world was images flying by which I chose to ignore as it was easier inside. I recall sitting in my seat and the only communication with the rest of the world, the world beyond my eyes was an occasional knowing look from Tim and smiles and I was grateful when the lights went out and the music began. The concert was great and, of course, I new all the songs and I don’t care what anybody says, when Stills was on he could sing with a guitar. I was letting the sounds and vibrations go through me and just generally digging it when for some reason a set of songs came up that made me listen to the words. Words and misfired synapses can be a strange combination at times.

It starte when they began playing Wooden Ships, you know the whole Bomp Bomp….Bombbbbb thing. There words were blending between purple berries and not getting sick and transform into freed souls free from the insanity and ending with the you don’t need us the ultimate internalized plea that we as an American culture (these guys are American right) as “Western Civilization” should rethink how we poke into the affairs of other peoples and cultures. Oh my God, my head is spinning, all this crap entering my brain and getting delayed before it’s processed so I layered on my own psychological weaknessesfrailties and guilt before it went cognant in my brain. Hey but it gets worse, these guys can pump out some guilt in the decibels as they start up with Cathedral, "Open up the gates of the church and let me out of here, too many people have lied in the name of Christ for anyone to head the call, too many people have died in the name of Christ that I can’t believe it all". I mean, I am not saying it was some cosmic experience or anything, I mean my mind was messed up but quite honestly the reverberation and delay in my brain caused some weird shit to happen. I guess you could say I sort of blacked out there because I lost all awareness of things external to my brain and I was accessing all these stored files of my early childhood and all the history things I had read and all the images of the niitty gritty of war and all the chivalric nonsense that was associated with it and it whirling, the grand maelstrom, through my mind and it was kind of like that little musical interlude at the end of the Beatles A Day in the Life, swirling harsh sounds/images in my brain with a sudden rush to stop with a piano tinkling........ but instead of Paul singing sweetly about the end my brain told me that (I know it is weird) but my brain told me that I was the tangible bits of organic material dissolved in water that housed the remnant of the useless and pathetic soul of Adolf Hitler.

Oh God Larry, Where was the decaf then!!

It gets worse.

is everybody in? ....is everybody in?

in what?
it just so happens that this here reading has delayed me from getting my morning coffee...

but i think i know what music i'll be listening to while cleaning up around here!

Of course it was at this time that I searched about frantically for a calming influence because, in all honesty that was a bit to take in. So the sound system starts cranking Its Been a Long Time Comin’ as I looked at Tim and he smiles, that knowing psychedelic grin. So immediately I interpret its been a long time coming and a psychedelic knowing grin as Tim is aware of what is going on, this time space reality is all interconnected somehow and as if on cue CSN are involved in the little conspiracy and that some how the great cosmic forces have aligned to inform me that, I, my personae, essence, soul and being is the great cosmic misfit of not only the human race but the entire known universe. Since all this interconnected and linked, then Tim and CSN must know what is in my mind and my mind begins to wander???????I didn’t need that shit!!!! It is obvious, they represent the souls, flawed as their characters may be as human kind is incredibly flawed, that I, my essence, have corrupted and tortured over millenia and they are now informing me of my fate for this indiscretion. The needless waste of life and the great cosmic release of human energy on the fields of Cold Harbor, The Marne and Vietnam, in a flame of napalm, and all that guilt focused right at me at that moment, at that time. “Speak out, Speak out Against the MADNESS”. It won’t stop there and as the testament to the last Whale booms through the speakers and am left to wallow in my own cosmic filth. “Maybe we will go maybe we will disappear, its not that we don’t know, it’s just that we don’t want to care” As the images of whales swimming are flashing on the big screen I am contemplating the depths of my depravity. My own mind conjures images of myself in a smart uniform with polished boots marching people into death camps in a genocidal juxtaposition. I see images on the screen instead of whales, images of naked tortured souls entering the showers of Auschwitz as a swagger about and snap orders and hold back the dogs. I look at Tim and I catch him yell, “it is True and he points to the screen”. Surely he means about the Whales and not what is poisoning my mind! My mind wanders to a Judas syndrome and the fallen angel, I am becoming the personification of the Devil and all the religious baggage and implications reappear! My mind rationalizes that surely I am not alone but that I am in some kind of group or shared reality were I am a member of those descended from the evil one. The lost children in search of their place in the scheme, the grand scheme of things. That maybe for this moment in time the epitome of it all has taken residence in me and tomorrow it will move on because this evil is truly a shared responsibility as the good is. My mind is working overtime and creating defenses for this these concepts as they flash through my brain and I begin to focus on the reality around me again.

Gradually my mind fatigues and I begin to relax as I listen and hear the words from the stage as one them, Crosby I think, begins to talk about how the men before the audience had been through so much crap and how they had spent much wasted time on pettiness and useless ego trips and that how they hoped they had moved on and found the formula to be productive again as friends. And that is really what the next song was all about. I don’t know why but internally I began feeling a healing process, something was growing inside as they began singing Daylight Again. Now you might say this was all a bad trip but I have never viewed that way, it seemed more a learning experience. Interestingly enough, it was the last time purple pills or the like crossed my palm. Not necessarily connected, it could be that was the last gasp of my childhood experiences and knowledge all coming together for one final climax. But I still feel a child. I put it out for whatever it means, but when I was looking through my father’s house and found the book by Walter Langer on the mind of an Evil Genius, A. Hitler, well, I read it through the night!

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 2 times, lastly by PSBeaty on Mar 25, 2006 ---</FONT></center>