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 Post subject: Fahrenheit 32 Cents
PostPosted: Wed Jun 30, 2004 3:17 pm
  

<B><center>Fahrenheit 32 Cents</center>

WARNING!</B> The following documentary is not recommended for the faint of heart or weak of stomach.

It was in 2000 when Arlo Guthrie announced the forthcoming release of 32 Cents, an album of songs by his famous father, Woody Guthrie, backed by the Dilliards, best known for their recurring role of the musical hillbilly Darling family on The Andy Griffith Show. It is now 2004 and the album has still not been released to the record-buying public.

This investigative reporter has learned that after recording the songs for 32 Cents, Arlo sat in a chair for four years reading My Pet Goat, even after Abe Guthrie whispered in his ear that the tapes were ready for mixing.

The conspiracy has been vast and has involved several so-called "Blunderites" who have agreed to post fraudulent set lists to the Arlonet message boards to cover up for Arlo's inactivity by misleading the public into thinking that Arlo has been on tour all this time.

Recently, moderator Levi is reported to have told Arlo, "The people are wise to us. For each set list that is posted, somebody else comes along and posts that there was no such concert in their area. What should we do?"

"Just delete those posts," said Arlo, without looking up from his book.

"Then what?" asked Levi. "We can't keep the people fooled forever."

"Australia!" said Arlo after some thought. "We'll post set lists as though I've been in Australia. Nobody posts from Australia. If they do, nobody will see 'em coz of the different time zone."

Meanwhile, this reporter has also come across evidence that the Bush administration had plans to raise the cost of postage even before Arlo recorded 32 Cents and well before Bush was president.

Karl Rove, the man in charge of telling the President what he thinks, denies this charge. "The Clinton administration had plans to raise the cost of postage as far back as 1999. Ken Starr had reams of papers documenting this fact, but put them aside when the Monica Lewinsky affair broke."

Not so, says a White House aide who spoke under the condition of anonymity. "Bush was planning on raising the cost of postage all along, to finance the war in Iraq."

Moreover, there is considerable evidence that the Dilliards themselves were sworn to secrecy about 32 Cents as far back as 1962, when Arlo was only 15, when they were negotiating their contract to appear as the Darling family on The Andy Griffith Show.

"I remember it well," Howard McNear, who played Floyd the barber on the show, told TV Guide shortly before his death. "The Dilliards would absolutely not accept any speaking role on the show. That was one of the conditions, that they would have no lines. They were that afraid of saying anything that could be construed to be about 32 Cents. That's why the producers had to create the roles of Briscoe Darling and Darlene, and cast them outside the band."

To be continued....(Help me out here, fellow Blunderites.)

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by P. Pittsburgh Joe on Jun 30, 2004 ---</FONT></center>


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2004 6:40 am
  

"32 Cents ultimately ruined The Andy Griffith Show. I'm convinced of that," Ron Howard, who played Opie on the comedy classic, told Rolling Stone in 1978. "There was one scene early on where the Darlings walk into Ellie's drug store & buy some pop. When Ellie told them, 'That will be 32 cents, please,' they nearly went nuts. They wanted to break the cameras! The writers offered to change the script to read 35 cents, but they (the Dilliards) wanted no part of that scene. It had to be cut out.

"Soon Ellie left the show and was replaced by Helen Krump. I mean, Helen was good, but c'mon, she was no Ellie. In later years, Don Knotts left, followed by Andy himself, which did away with my role. Andy Griffith leaving The Andy Griffith Show? And nobody is suspicious? They tried to keep the show going under another name with Ken Berry playing the lead, but c'mon, I mean, the guy was on F Troop, for cryin' out loud!"

Back to 2004, where President Bush finds it necessary to send Scott McClellan to the James Brady Briefing Room to meet the press.

Reporter: "Did the President have plans to raise the price of postage above 32 cents before the election?"

McClellan: "The President believes that all mail should be placed in a proper envelope or package and should include the correct postage, whether that figure is 32 cents or some other figure."

Reporter: "That's not what I asked you. I asked you whether the President had plans to raise the price of postage before the 2000 election?"

McClellan: "The President has always used postage. He believes it is the best way to send mail."

Reporter: "Will you please answer my question?"

McClellan: "This is a press conference, and the last thing I want to do is answer a lot of questions."

Reporter: "But what about the cost of postage?"

McClellan: "A stamp presently costs 37 cents."

To be continued....

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by P. Pittsburgh Joe on Jul 01, 2004 ---</FONT></center>


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2004 9:54 pm
  

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Joined: Jul 20, 2004
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Location: Chicagoland, IL
Arlo read aloud:

Pet goats come walking over the hill
Pet goats come walking, they rarely stand still
When pet goats come walking they go where they will
When pet goats come walking over the hill

Pet goats look into your window at night
They look to the left and they look to the right
The pet goats are smiling, they think it's a zoo
And that's why the pet goats like looking at you

So, if you see pet goats while lying in bed
It's best to just stay there pretending you're dead
The pet goats will leave and you'll get the thrill
Of seeing the pet goats go over the hill

"Arlo!" Levi yelled, "You're supposed to be in Austalia! We have to get you to yhe airport!"

"Don't bother, guys," said Joe. "I just learned that there's a new movie coming out, financed by the RNC, or something: <u>Arlo Guthrie Hates America</u>. They've even got a website, arloguthriehatesamerica.com ."

"Is the site any good?" Arlo asked.

"Well, it has a couple trailers and a lot of links... Hey!! Arlo, why are you even asking, you don't hate America!"

"The site's not bad."

"Arlo..." said Levi.

"The trailer looks... Hey, there's that magician guy - you know, the one that does speak. What have I ever done to him? Why's he saying that stuff?"


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2004 2:15 pm
  

Arlo couldn't take his eyes off the arloguthriehatesamerica web site. It was as if nobody or nothing else was in the room. The room was full of computers. Arlo built the room when he decided it would be a good idea to invite his message board moderators for an annual meeting. He purchased the computers because he thought they would not be able to talk to each other unless they were using computers. He was wrong about that. That was fortunate because he was one computer short, due to thinking that Larnie was one person.

Levi and Joe were silently pacing the room. Levi looked at one of the other computers, where Arlo had been web-surfing recently. It displayed a page from the Group W Bench web site, namely the Goat Guide.

"What do you suppose this means?" asked Levi as he perused the site.

Joe was looking out the window. "I'll be with you in a sec. Look at this first," he said. "I think I see Don Knotts lurking outside!!"

"Don Knotts??? I think that following the Pirates through all those losing seasons has finally affected your brain. Come see the Goat Guide!"

"I'm serious. Look. He's in a long overcoat and has a Barney Fife hat pulled close to his eyes, but it's him. He's hiding behind a tree, but I can see him. Let's ask Arlo if we can invite him in."

Meanwhile, back at the White House, the press conference continued.

McClellan: "The President regrets that his opponent would make an issue out of a sensitive area such as postage in an election year."

Reporter: "This isn't coming from Kerry. Let me get more specific. Did the President raise the cost of postage to delay the release of Arlo Guthrie's 32 Cents CD, so that the liberal sensibilities of Woody Guthrie would not permeate the public consciousness at a time when he was planning to go to war?"

McClellan: "The President would never do such a thing. In fact, many of his favorite songs are about mail and postage, such as 'Please, Mr. Postman' and 'The Letter.'"

Reporter: "These Woody Guthrie songs are not songs about postage! They---"

Another reporter: "Except for 'Mail Myself to You.'"

(Laughter.)

Reporter: "--are songs---"

McClellan: "Next question."

Reporter: "Why don't you answer my question??"

Yet another reporter: "Was 'The Letter' by the Lovin' Spoonful?"

McClellan: "It was the Box Tops."

Another reporter: "Did the White House secretly fly the surviving cast members of The Andy Griffith Show out of the country upon learning of the impending release of 32 Cents?"

McClellan: "I note the time and must now call this press conference to an end. One of the cable channels televising this press conference is scheduled to show a Gabby Hayes film festival in a minute, and the President does not wish to deprive the people of Gabby Hayes. Good day."

To be continued....


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2004 4:00 pm
  

Although it wasn't really funny, Joe had to suppress a laugh as he escorted Don Knotts into the computer room. Don Knotts was shaking violently much like his Barney Fife character would whenever he was scared. He had aged since he played Barney Fife on The Andy Griffith Show, but then again, so have you. Don Knotts kept repeating over and over, "I'm being followed. You're making a big mistake bringing me in here."

The four men stood in the center of the room and the three Blunderites introduced themselves to Don Knotts and told him how much they enjoyed his portrayal of Barney Fife. They said nothing about his role as Mr. Furley on Three's Company. Don Knotts told Arlo how much he enjoyed the Alice's Restaurant movie and his portrayal of Alan Moon on The Byrds of Paradise and how he was in the audience at Woodstock the day Arlo performed. He also mentioned that he was a regular reader of the Arlonet message boards but did not want to register and participate, feeling that his celebrity status might be a distraction. He also told Levi that he enjoyed his posts, especially his diligent discovery of links to articles about Arlo and others.

"I'll bet you find some of my posts amusing," said Joe.

"No," said Don Knotts.

Joe frowned and sat down.

After the preliminaries were over, Arlo asked Don Knotts, "Does your being here have anything to do with 32 Cents?"

Don Knotts began to shake again, and it was agreed that he should spend the night, get some rest and calm down, and discuss the subject when he was ready. Arlo went back to perusing arloguthriehatesamerica.com and Levi went back to the Goat Guide.

Joe decided to go outside and check out whether Don Knotts was really being followed. Joe stepped outside and immediately felt a sharp blow to the back of his head, at which time everything went black.

To be continued....


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 09, 2004 11:35 am
  

Joe came to in the back seat of a car. He was seated between two tough-looking guys. On his left was a large man with a shaved head, squinty eyes, and a bulbous nose. On his right was a man who was the opposite but looked just as tough, scrawny with long, shaggy blonde hair and a large scar across his cheek. There were two men in the front seat, but Joe could not make them out in the dark. They had been riding for about seven hours. Joe felt the bump on his head and thought, Now I remember.

"Who are you guys?" asked Joe. He received no answer and repeated the question.

"You'll find out," said the guy on his left.

After riding for about two more miles, Joe asked, "Where are you taking me?" When he received no answer, he said, "Yeah, I know---I'll find out!"

Damn! thought Joe, I wasn't even gonna be a character in this story until Star put me in it, and now I'm the one who gets hit in the head and abducted. Just my luck.

Still, Joe saw no reason to be scared. After all, he was writing this story and he was pretty sure that he would not write a story where he was killed or injured. Possibly some other members of the Blunderite community would assist in the writing as well, but he was pretty sure none of them would write a story where he was killed or injured, either. Well, he could think of one that might!

They continued to ride in silence when the man on his left asked, "What's your screen name?"

"I'm not tellin' you nuthin'," said Joe.

The man in the front passenger seat turned around and said in polite tones, "I suggest cooperating with Marco and answering his questions truthfully. If you don't, there may be.....consequences."

"So what's your screen name?" asked Marco.

Joe replied, "Larry."

"Don't get cute with me. You're P. Pittsburgh Joe."

After they rode for a couple more miles, Marco asked, "What does the 'P' stand for?"

"The 'P'?" responded Joe.

"The "P' in P. Pittsburgh Joe."

"It doesn't stand for anything."

Marco glared at Joe and said, "I warned you not to get cute."

"I'm tellin' the truth. The name is a take-off on T. Texas Tyler."

Marco now turned his head toward Joe and glared, not knowing quite whether to believe him or not. Joe could see the wheels in his head spinning.

Finally, the man at Joe's right, who had been silent since Joe came to, turned to him suddenly and asked, "What does the 'T' stand for?" He asked it as though he were accusing Joe of something.

"The 'T'?"

"In T. Texas Tyler."

"Hell, I dunno."

"A real wise guy, you are!"

Soon the car turned into the driveway of the largest mansion Joe had ever seen.

During the entire car trip, Don Knotts had slept well at Arlo's home. Massachusetts seemed far away now.

To be continued....


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 09, 2004 4:58 pm
  

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....meanwhile, back in New Jersey, Larry alerted the authorities after being the victim of idendity theft at the hands of Joe.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 09, 2004 5:27 pm
  

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....later that night, the car found it's way to Mayberry. Marco escorted his prisoner, P.Pittsburg Joe, into the back of Goober's garage for the interagation that was about to take place. Under the glare of a high intensity lava lamp, Barney Fife grilled Joe for hours trying to learn what the "P" in P. Pittsburg Joe stood for, but to no avail. After about 14 hours, Barney gave up, and summoned Floyd the barber to take over the grilling. After only a few minutes of this, Barney emerged from the garage to report that the mystery was solved. "The "P" in P. Pittsburg Joe stands for urine" he said. "After Floyd went after him with the barber shears, his pissed his pants big time!" Later that week, Floyd was offered a job by John Ashcroft.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 10, 2004 6:27 pm
  

Joe sat at the counter of the Mayberry Diner rubbing his head and enjoying a hot black coffee, hoping to perhaps get a glimpse of Juanita and waiting for his pants to dry at the nearby Laundromat. Man, that Floyd was one rough old dude, thought Joe. Joe was wearing one of Gomer's old suits, as nobody else in Mayberry took the same size. Sheesh, thought Joe, I know my friends accuse me of being stuck in the '60's, but this suit looks ridiculous.

That same morning, the White House had scheduled a huge "photo op" that was covered live by The Today Show. The President was dressed like a cowboy and mounted a horse, prepared to deliver a randomly-chosen piece of mail to a Washington, DC resident in the manner of the Pony Express. The surviving members of the Marvelettes, looking stupid in matching red sequined gowns, were on an elevated stage singing "Please Mr. Postman" as the street was closed.

As the President galloped, Katie Couric gushed, "The Pony Express rocks!!!"

The President stopped at the home of one Alma Madden, who had been unemployed for three years, and encouraged her to open the letter and read it aloud in front of the national television audience. It was a notice from her electric company informing her that her power would be turned off in two weeks unless her delinquent bills were paid.

Matt Lauer quickly told the viewing audience, "This proves once and for all that the President is truly a friend of postage!"

As the President dismounted, he was asked by reporters what he thought of the Joe/Larry identity theft case. The President vowed to put to a stop to "all mismalfeasance in the theft of identifickerations."

The phrase "friend of postage" quickly caught on and swept the nation. That afternoon, Rush Limbaugh stated what the term implied and told his radio audience that not only did the photo op prove that the President was a friend of postage, but that he would never do anything to hinder the release of a CD of songs about postage. He went on to say that the President licks his own stamps, while his opponent lives a privileged life and had servants to lick his stamps for him. Several callers complained. Some said that the songs on 32 Cents had nothing to do with postage. Others suggested that perhaps Rush Limbaugh lived the good life himself, being that he didn't know that stamps had been self-adhesive, and thus required no licking, for several years now. The host called them un-American and hung up on every one of them.

That evening, Ted Koppel of Nightline would wear a postman's uniform and broadcast live from an evening mail room. As postal employees sorted mail, Koppel intoned, "The United States Post Office is a well-oiled machine of postage unlike anything in the world."

It was all too much.

Meanwhile, out in Anaheim, CA, filmmaker Michael Moore was in the offices of the Disney Company. He had begun to take an interest in producing a documentary about the making of 32 Cents. The receptionist had led him to a conference room where he met with a young woman dressed in a Pluto costume. The woman stayed in character and would not speak. At least they coulda had me meet with Goofy, thought Michael Moore. At least he talks. Why is that Goofy's goofy if it's Pluto that can't talk?

Finally, Michael Moore went back to the receptionist and demanded to meet a real person. He was escorted to a brightly-colored waiting room where the song "It's a Small World" was piped in and played nonstop, over and over again. After 45 minutes, Michael Moore ran out of the Disney offices screaming...

To be continued....


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 10, 2004 7:30 pm
  

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The next day on Rush Limbaugh's show, the all-knowing one reported on the fiasco involving Michael Moore in Anaheim using the hook, "Fat Stupid White Man Terrorized at Disney Studios."

Rush went on to extol the virtues of self-adhesive postage stamp licking by letting his audience in on the fact that not only do he and the president LICK the things themselves, but they also SNIFF the things. Proclaiming this substance-sniffing (Rush being somewhat acquainted with substance abuse)as a return to old-fashioned values, akin to harmless glue-sniffing, he accused Bush's opponents of being postage-mongers who didn't understand family values. He went on to state that years of postage-stamp adhesive licking and sniffing addled Bush's brain to the point where he can no longer form an English sentence during his public utterences.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 9:50 am
  

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Of course it took the most observant of all news media hosts, John Stewart, to observe and report that the reason that George W. and Rush Limbaugh still lick their own stamps is that they still both have a supply of stamps that are laced with LSD.

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by Larry on Jul 12, 2004 ---</FONT></center>


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 8:18 pm
  

Arlo stretched out in his reclining chair & watched the evening news. He had to shake his head at some of the stories. A government conspiracy to suppress the release of 32 Cents? He couldn't understand it. It was a matter under his sole control. If he wanted to release it, he would. Instead, he chose to spend four years reading My Pet Goat. That was his business. What was wrong with that?

He thought the President's Pony Express stunt & the whole "friend of postage" thing was stupid. He chuckled when the Head of Homeland Security talked about possibly having to postpone the election if 32 Cents were released near Election Day, to give voters a chance to get to their local music stores and buy the CD. Arlo leaned forward in his chair, however, when they discussed the Joe/Larry identity theft case, as Larry was one of his trusted moderators. The Barney Fife thing puzzled him.

Arlo checked the room where he thought Don Knotts had been sleeping for almost a week. He was shocked to see that the bed was empty. How did Don Knotts, who was sleeping during Joe's abduction, get to Mayberry ahead of the arrival of Joe and Marco? Why did he resume his role of Barney Fife in real life? What was going on?

Joe finally arrived home to Pittsburgh while his family slept, unconcerned. He had gone for milk before being detoured to Massachusetts, where Arlo was, then to Mayberry, North Carolina. He was always going out for milk now that his boys were bigger. It always seemed that the precise moment when milk was needed occurred when the Pirates were batting with bases loaded in the ninth inning of a tie ball game or when he had just logged onto the internet. Now he was back---and he forgot the milk.

He decided to unwind by listening to his record collection. It seemed that some folk music was in order. He laid down and listened to Leadbelly sing "Irene." Next he listened to Arlo's version of Woody's "Ramblin' Round." Suddenly Joe sat bolt upright. The melodies were exactly the same! No, he thought, I must be imagining things. After all, he was tired. Next he listened to Woody himself singing "1913 Massacre", then to Bob Dylan sing "Song to Woody." Now he was really shocked. Not only were the melodies exactly the same, but Dylan had stolen a melody from Woody and dedicated the song to him! How brazen!

Joe ran around the upstairs yelling, "Folk singers steal melodies from each other! Folk singers steal melodies from each other!" Each family member rolled over, indifferent, trying to sleep. Joe ran outside through the front door, down the steps from his porch, and out into the street, in a full sprint now, waving his arms and screaming louder than ever, "FOLK SINGERS STEAL MELODIES FROM EACH OTHER! FOLK SINGERS STEAL MELODIES FROM EACH OTHER!!!"

To be continued....

(Edited in the interest of fine literature.)

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by P. Pittsburgh Joe on Aug 04, 2004 ---</FONT></center>


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 9:50 pm
  

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After what seemed like an eternity of running around the room shouting at the top of his lungs, an idea popped into Joe's mind. This was not difficult because there were lots of ideas outside of Joe's mind, and lots of room in there for one to sneak in. The idea came from somewhere in Joe's not too faraway past, probably something he got from playing around on the internet or listening too closely at an Arlo concert, and it went something like this. "Joe", the ideas said to him, "folksingers don't steal from each other. It's what's known as the folk process." At this, Joe had to sit down because all that running around and yelling got him physically tired, while the rumination on the idea in his head got him mentally tired. Just then, before he had a chance to think about it any more,......


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2004 7:58 pm
  

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Meanwhile, back in Australia, Louise, (not her real name)couldn't live with the guilt anymore! She screamed "They made me do it!!!Arlo and Levi told me if I posted fake concert reports from Australia in June they would make an effort to come DownUnder in '06" (Notice Louise is the only poster from OZ since Arlo supposedly left?)Louise had become suspicious of Arlo's behaviour,but we all know what a stupifying effect reading "My Pet Goat" can have on a person!!
She decided to take the next QANTAS flight to L.A. Coming into Los Angeles she spotted that guy Arlo talks about who stands on the runway and sniffs planes as they land, (especialy the ones Arlo is on.... and she always thought he made that story up!!)Any way, when Louise got into the airport lounge she saw Mike Moore at the ticket counter screaming "Get me on the next plane!! any plane!! that's heading back east!!!" Louise ran over, grabbed Mike by the shoulders and yelled "Snap out of it Mike!!! I need you to help me to rescue Arlo and Levi!! as i suspect they have been brainwashed and hypnotised by someone who has been illegitimately running the country for the past 4 years !!! Arlo would never say he hates America!!! You know what it's like to be accused of that when you love America but just have a problem with the people who are running the country at this particular moment!!" Mike yelled "Your right!!Let's go!! So they caught the next plane back East to get away from Disney characters and began their plan to rescue Arlo and Levi. to be continued.......


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 07, 2004 8:32 am
  

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"Hey, arlo?"
"What?"
"You think we'll ever get out of this place?"
"Well what I do know is this. I just know we could've had ourselves a very successful es-cape if you just had of listened to me when we were trying to outrun Bush's pet goats. I told you take take a left at the end of the hallway but NOOOOOooo, you had to turn right that put us on this nowhere but down elevator!"
"I DID take a left so next time you want me to turn left, which is your left, make sure I'm not running BACKWARDS! Besides, running backwards is the safest way to run when you're carrying scissors especially while trying to defend yourself against Bush's pet goats! They're mean sonsabitches ya know! Hey, how come you know the layout of the White House so well?"
"Chip Carter, he gave me a tour of the place awhile back."
"So where are we now?"
"Stuck! That's where we're at! And the Bush thugs have the power shut down to this elevator! They're probably on there way down here right now with there scissor-sniffing pet attack goats!"
"You think anybody'll come to rescue us... like...soon?"
"Levi, my scissor-toting friend, never underestimate the rescueing powers of louise!"
"Crikey! You mean THE louise from Down Under?"
"That's the one! And seeing as how we're trapped 'down under' in this elevator booth in the White House with Bush thugs crawling everywhere looking for us, I'd say she's our only hope at this point."
"Look, Arlo! There's an escape hatch above us."
"Groooovy."
Arlo and Levi pried open the hatch with the scissors and climbed through and up on top of the elevator booth.
"Whoa, this is too dark and eerie. Just listen to that haunting echo of every little sound."

(*clink*clink*clank*tap*tap*clank*clink*)

"Listen, Levi, you hear that? Somebody's tapping on the pipes, it's probably coming from - from the rooftop!. Sounds like it's something being tapped in Moore's Code!"
"You're right, Arlo, it is! I learned Moore's Code in Boy Scouts."
"Well then Mr. boy scout, start deciphering?"
"O.K., I believe it's saying..."
A-r-l-o-a-n-d-L-e-v-i
T-h-i-s-i-s-M-i-c-h-a-e-l-M-o-o-r-e
I-m-w-i-t-h-l-o-u-i-s-e
W-e-r-e-h-e-r-e-t-o-r-e-s-c-u-e-y-o-u
H-a-n-g-o-n
I-m-g-o-i-n-g-t-o-h-o-o-k-t-h-e-e-l-e-v-a-t-o-r-c-a-b-l-e-t-o-t-h-e-B-l-u-n-d-e-r-C-o-p-t-e-r-a-n-d-l-i-f-t-y-o-u-o-u-t-!
B-T-W-w-h-e-n-i-s-3-5-C-e-n-t-s-g-o-i-n-g-t-o-b-e-r-e-l-e-a-s-e-d-?
"Oh crap! Jump back down in the booth, quick, Arlo! We're going up, and FAST!"
"It's not exactly first-class, but at least there's no waiting in line and no luggage check so we'll take it!"

Michael and louise began ascending straight up from the White House in the BlunderCopter pulling the elevator booth up the elevator shaft with 235 ft. of cable between them.
"YIPPIEEEEEEeee!", yelled Arlo and Levi at the top of their lungs in two-part harmony as they took the thrill ride of their lives rocketing up the elevator shaft busting out the rooftop at over 175 miles an hour. Michael and louise didn't stop flying with the two(?) rescuees in tow until louise happened to notice that they were way up high and over the Down Under.
"Crikey!", exclaimed louise. "We've flown farther than I thought, Michael! That's my house down there! Set it down gently right over there", pointed louise.
The BlunderCopter slowly descended as wild dingos and kangaroos darted every which direction as the suspended elevator booth hit Australian soil with a heavy thud. Landing the copter 40 yds. away, Michael and louise quickly ran over to the elevator booth to check on the rescued party inside.
"Levi?, Arlo?, are you O.K.?"
When they got to the booth, the elevator doors were already open and inside she saw a weary Levi, exhausted and hungry.
"What a long strange trip it's been", muttered Levi.
"Oh my God! Where's Arlo?!" cried louise with shock when she realized Arlo was missing.
"Michael, I tried yelling at you as we were flying over Florida but apparently you couldn't hear me because you were blaring something over that loudspeaker. Does Arlo know you put that loudspeaker on the BlunderCopter? Anyways, Arlo had looked down and saw Annie waving up at him from the RSR office."
"So then what? He just JUMPED OUT?!"
"Well... not exactly, Michael. Arlo said he had 'borrowed' a couple rolls of toilet paper from the White House and stashed them in his boots, in case of an emergency, so anyways he just tied the end of one roll to the grab bar here, tossed the roll out the booth and slid down to the ground. I just hope I get my ink pen back from him that he borrowed from me... said he wanted to write another one-last-farewell song to the world (again) just in case the two rolls of toilet paper didn't reach all the way to the ground."
"Oh my, I sure hope he's all right.
"Yeah, me too, louise. At least he had his harmonica with him which made for some good elevator music while it lasted."

Meanwhile... back in the States....

"Mr. President, it's standing room only in the press room with the media salivating for answers. How am I supposed to go out there and explain to them that Arlo and Levi have escaped and that your pet goats are worthless for protecting the American people? To make matters worse, several passer-by citizens caught the whole rescue/escape scene with their camcorders, sold it to CNN and there getting ready to air it on worldwide TV in 10 minutes! I don't suppose I have to tell you what affect this is going to have on your ratings."

"Well then, just tell the press that I pledge I'll have them found and brought to justice by the end of August, just don't tell them what year.

Instead of harassing me, why don't the media go down to Florida and cover that story where some singin', writin', weirdo-freak litterbug strung toilet paper halfway across the state?"

"Mr. President, telephone sir, it's urgent!
Says he's a Mr. Steve Irwin, calling long-distance from Australia, claims he has information as to the whereabouts of Levi, louise and Michael Moore and something about a tie-dye helicopter."

"Did he mention the whereabouts of Arlo?"......


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