Well, it didn't take long for Al Franken and the rest of the nation to get their answer. Fox News quickly ran a story giving the Republican spin on the whole croc incident, which soon came to be known as Crocgate. The story they gave out was that Kerry was, in fact, a supporter of global terrorism, and the evidence for this was that he was actually trying to implant a "dirty" bomb in the croc's ass, when it accidentally exploded. The Republican story was that they had finally found the "Weapons of Ass Destruction" in the croc that had so long eluded them in Iraq.

The next morning, Joe woke up for work feeling confident that the Blundercopter had reached the Blunderlab safely and that everything was going to be just Blunderific.

He turned on the news and noted that the story of the car wreck had already taken a back seat to another story, the one about the Weapons of Ass Destruction, which the media began conveniently referring to by the acronym WAD.

America loved acronyms, especially those that spelled out real words, like WAD, and the media pronounced WAD's like wads of gum or wads of paper. Joe thought acronyms stupid and annoying, finding that they fit well into a society that liked to keep their conversations short (unless they were on their stupid cell phones) and go on their merry way in their hurry to go nowhere and do nothing with nobody.

Somehow, Joe managed to arrive at work early that morning, and instead of going up to the office, he went into the lobby diner for a cup of black coffee, taking a seat at the counter. There was a young woman seated at the counter who he recognized from riding the elevator together a few times and making small talk. She nodded in recognition. Joe felt compelled to start a conversation.

"What do you think about the news item about the terrorists shooting off their WAD's?"

"I didn't hear it," she replied, "but it's none of my business. I don't concern myself with what a man does in the privacy of his own bedroom---even if he's a terrorist."

"Well, it seems there's more than one man involved and they're working together so that they go off in public places."

"That's just sick! That's really disgusting!"

"I have a feeling we're not talkin' about the same thing here. I'm talkin' about crocodiles' asses."

"MANAGER!!! TELL THIS PERVERT TO STOP BOTHERING ME!!!"

Joe walked toward the elevator.

Meanwhile, back at the Blunderlab....

...The two L's and Arlo got to work on removing the micro-chips from the Babe Ruth Ball. "WE gotta get these into the Whitehouse ASAP!!" said Arlo. They came up with a plan!! Louise would curl her hair up in big do-nut curls over her ears where the chips would be implanted. Arlo would wear a hairy costume (so W. would't recognise him from the MOST WANTED poster on the oval office wall). Levi had to make himself very handsome and heroic, and Micky mini horse's name was changed to Luke (he'd been so excited about being part of the mission since Ramblin Jacks' horse had been feelin' poorly and couldn't carry Arlo to P'burgh). The friends knew that W. wouldn't realize that it wasn't the 70's anymore and would just think he was getting a special visit from characters in his favourite movie. (or was that Ronald Rayguns'( to quote Baez at Woodstock) favourite movie?)
Anywho they lept aboard the Blundercopter(which had been painted black to avoid suspision)and headed to The House. W.clapped his hands with glee when they arrived and took them out to meet his Pet Goats. Louise seized this opportunity to untangle the Chips from her hair and let them fly!!! A cloud of Purple smoke spewed out along with that beautiful Hawaiian melody Arlo has been playin' lately. A change came over W. and the goats, (The dust didn't affect the friends cos' they were already "good people"). W. started humming the music from Heidi (the Shirley Temple version). His face softened and he spoke for the first time with-out smugness and sanctamonie. "I'm going to pay pennance by becoming a lonely Goat-Heard and dedicate my life to guiding my flock to poor people all over the world and supplying them with milk and cheese.
With that he walked off into the sun-set humming A Lady O A lady O A Lay Hee Hee!!
Well you can imagine the respose from Don, and Co, they high tailed it outa there faster than you could sing HAIL GOODBYE TO THE CHIEF!!, but Dick vowed to stay and take W.'s place at the election.
And acourse there was ticker tape parades and all kindsa stuff for all the friends and helpers involved (Joe even came in from P'burgh an Mike sent an e-mail givin' thanks.)
The friends and helpers all said their good-byes after a private Bar-B-Que that couldn't be beat, (we won't ask what happened to the garbage). "I gotta get down to Florida to be with the family coz there's a hurricane brewin'" said Arlo. (Louise knew how scary that can be livin' in Queensland and all, except in OZ they're called cyclones, and she sure hoped all Arlos' kin would be safe)
Levi said, "After all this excitement it'll be relaxin' to get back to findin' great web sites.
Louise said, "It's up to the American people to change the Administration now , I'll be posting an absentee ballot coz I gotta get back to my other homeland and rest up coz it looks like our big OZ federal election is probably gonna be in September, and I gotta help stop W."s Depudy (little Johnnie)from takin up the reins for another three years,(he'd already had two terms to try and sort things out).
"I sure wish I could be at The Church in October" said Louise, "But I know Ceashel is takin' me in her back pocket, and I think she's even got a photo of me lurkin' around a street sign with a name on it we all know well ,and tryin' not to get arrested,(we all know where THAT can lead!!!.)

So the friends all headed off to the north, south, east and west to rest up and spend time with their families until their next adventure......

Everybody was gone now but Louise, who stood alone watching Arlo ascend in the Blundercopter, when she realized that there remained one more loose end before this story could be completed.

She shouted up to Arlo, "HEY, ARLO! WHEN ARE YOU GONNA RELEASE 32 CENTS???"

Arlo had trouble hearing over the noisy whirling of the Blundercopter blades and shouted back, "I DID DO 'ALICE'S RESTAURANT' AT WOODSTOCK!!"

"NO," shouted Louise, "I ASKED ABOUT 32 CENTS!!!"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT THOSE WEB SITES SAY!! I DID 'ALICE'! I HAVE IT ON TAPE!!"

With that Arlo waved and the Blundercopter ascended high into the night sky....

<center>THE END</center>

_________________________________

This docudrama is dedicated to the memory of Pat Paulsen, the last viable candidate for the office of the President of the United States.

Arlo Guthrie appeared courtesy of Rising Son Records, Inc.

Micky the Mini-Horse's stunts were performed by Gavin McLeod.

Levi wishes to thank Paige Davis for her inspiration.

No goats or crocodiles were harmed in the making of this documentary.

Soundtack CD to be released in September by Rising Son Records.

Any resemblance between the characters in this story and any persons, living or dead, is just too damn bad.

That's all, folks!

Bravo! You should all pat yourselves on the back, great story! Thanks for the entertainment.

Thanks, Terrie, but I defer all credit to my funny & talented colleagues in blundering. Believe me, when I started this I immediately asked myself why, coz I had no idea where to take it.

Hey, Larry, what's the procedure here? Do these threads get closed when the story comes to an end? I leave it in your capable hands.

They end?

How does one determine "The End" in a land that runs a celery time?

How DID Dubya get that bomb in the croc's ass? What tool did he use?

Sooooo many questions.......Soooooo few brain cells.......

Dubya had no problem with the placement of that bomb because he had always been surrounded by assholes, and was well versed in their operation.

Louise was kinda pooped from jet lag AND waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning (she didn't have to get up 'til 5 for work) and not bein' able to get back to sleep 'coz her next installment of Farinheit 32 cents was formulating in her brain. Plus she'd start thinkin' about what the others had written and start giggleing and wake John up too!
But she really enjoyed it and had NEVER written anything before in her life (50 years) that she had let anyone else read let alone post it on the Net where everyone in the world could view it!!
But it had sure helped her vent some steam that had built up for four years since she had sat on her couch in OZ watching W. being sworn in and saying to John "This is really BAAAAAD!!!!!!!" Even when she marched in the protest rallies in early '03 and was accused (even by some of her own relatives) of supporting Saddam and not the troops,(she'd been through it all before as a teenager during 'Nam)she knew she was right and it would all come out in the wash!!!
Anywho she sure thinks it's great getting to know such a great bunch of like minded people
from her birthland and can't wait to meet all the others that she did't meet while savin' Arlo from W....LOL.

When Joe uttered the words "The End", he was taken about as seriously as George W. uttering the words "Mission Accomplished". As with dubya's premature proclamation, Joe was about to find out that more stuff happens after such a proclamation than before. The only group that really paid close attention to the "The End" proclamation were the crocadiles, who all kinda got worried looks on thier little croc faces and kinda squeezed their butt cheeks together in horid anticipation.

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 2 times, lastly by Larry on Aug 14, 2004 ---</FONT></center>

LOL! Cool...We can keep it going if that's what ya'll want, but I, for one, was not anxious to try & top the funny & dramatic resolution that Louise wrote.

Blunder on!

Uh ohhhh.....I can hear my brain ticking over....well at least it's not my BUTT ticking!!! How am I gonna fit in the 3a.m. formulatings with staying up late for the next few nights to watch a friend ride in the Olympics!! (Rebel Morrow, 3-Day Event, cheer for her please... yeah I know I'm bragging). UH OHH... John just walked in (he heard giggling again) and said "is that your head swelling up? It's your own fault, it's like Pandora's box all over again!" Hey that reminds me of how that lady who wrote Peyton Place got into Big YOU KNOW WHAT when the people from the real town that inspired her got mad about her revealing secrets and the press dubbed her, "Pandora in BlueJeans".She made money, then became an alcoholic and I think met an untimely end!! (Then there's Sylvia Plath)I wear blue jeans all the time (Levi's of course).(we won't go there) UH OHH...
It's 11a.m. Sunday morning and the formulatings already starting.... After the Hurricane was over and and Arlo's kin was all safe he decided to chopper down to OZ to visit Louise for some R&R. "Hey Arlo" she said, "Let's go out to this street I know in Brisbane. It's a really long street and has lots of signs at all the cross roads, and it's called BLUNDER ROAD!(fairdinkum!Ceashel's got a photo to prove it!You'll see it in October!) Anyways Arlo of course had to touch the dam sign (you can get arrested for that down here!), and as Dick had sent word to Little Johnnie H., who was now HIS depudy, (on account of them both still wantin' that Free Trade Agreement between OZ and U.S. to go through before the opposition (Labour Party)leader,Mark Latham,could make some changes and the people could vote them both out), that Arlo was in the country, well you can guess what happened next!
Soon Louise was callin'long distance to Levi,Joe,Larry,Mikey,Agnes,Star,Luke,er,Mickey(and Gavin of course)Terri, and of course that DYNAMIC DUO Ceashel and Cliffite!
Looks like we gotta rescue Arlo AGAINNN!!!!! Little Johnnie H. has him locked up in "The Lodge" in Canberra and he hase't got any toilet paper!!!!! .... (come on now Joe and other Blunder writers! Let your typing fingers loose with all you know about OZ! If I can do it You can!!)....

Finally, dear readers, Little Johnnie H. relented and sent an aboriginal maid in to Arlo's room to "install" some toilet paper and test the plumbing in his room.

The first thing that our hero noticed was that the toilet paper roll was set up so that the sheets of paper came from below the roll; he had always been used to removing them from the top. Puzzled, he figured it must have something to do with being "down under."

The next thing he noticed was really wierd. When the maid flushed the toilet to test it, the water spun around in a clockwise direction, just opposite of the way he knew it was supposed to spin around and opposite the way he had ever remembered seeing it.

The maid, who was taking night courses at the university and was really into this stuff, noticed the puzzled look on Arlo's face and said, "Don't worry, mate, it's just the Coriolus Effect at work. The world works a little differently down here than what you're used to. Maybe if you read these visitor's guides I'm gonna leave with you, you'll learn a bit more about Oz and you'll get sprung from this place."

Joe returned home from buying milk (Raise your hand if you're tired of this joke yet.) when he received word that Louise and Arlo (OK, you can put it down now.) needed help in Australia.

Poor Louise, thought Joe, staying up nights trying to decide what to write here, when I just sit at the computer and wing it from the top of my head, just like I teach all my students at the Joe Bloggs Institute of Internet Posting. I really must register her so that her husband may have some peace.

A meeting of the United States Blunderites was hastily organized, the big topic being the fact that money had to be raised for a trip to Australia, while most folkies had none and indeed were worth more dead than alive. Then Levi had the idea of a benefit concert---"Artists for Arlo"---to raise the needed funds.

"We gotta put together an all-star line-up, guaranteed to sell out a huge football stadium somewhere, with a variety of artists that appeal to the younger generation as well as the old hippies."

"Great idea!" said Joe. "Let's see.....we'll get Ramblin' Jack Elliott, Pete Seeger, Utah Phillips...That'll take care of the older folks. For the young.....hmmmmm...... Garrison Starr would be good. Hmmmm....Let's throw in Karl Mullen , yeah, that's good....Are the Sons of the Pioneers still alive? Or T. Texas Tyler? Dave Edmunds is a good choice, y'know. There's also---"

"Uhhh, Joe," interrupted Star, "Those are all artists that YOU like. They might be good, but we're trying to appeal to the masses here, and sell out a huge stadium."

So it was decided that Levi would try to land Bob Dylan for the concert. Maybe they would hit it off right away, as both are great fans of the legendary Woody Guthrie. Larry would use some New Jersey connection to get the Boss himself, Bruce Springsteen, to headline the show. Being the Blunderite who most likes to tease the others about old age, Star would work to enlist an artist who might appeal to the younger crowd.

That left Joe, by default, to call on Crosby, Stills, & Nash.

He met the trio at David Crosby's mansion where they sat in a den that was bigger than Joe's entire house. Crosby asked his guests if they would like a drink. The musicians agreed on green tea.

Said Joe, "Coffee would be nice, if you have some. Black."

Crosby rang a bell and a Japanese butler entered and bowed. Wow, Crosby ain't doin' too bad, thought Joe. As the butler took the orders, bowed, and exited, Crosby explained, "He's a foreign exchange student. He's majoring in music, especially folk guitar and voice. His goal is to record a Japanese translation of 'Alice's Restaurant.'"

"That's terrific!" exclaimed Stephen Stills.

Joe smiled and nodded, but thought, that's about the stupidest damned idea I ever heard in my life. What the hell purpose would a Japanese translation of "Alice's Restaurant" serve?

"You might think it's terrific," said Graham Nash, "but it's about the stupidest damned idea I ever heard in my life. What the hell purpose would a Japanese translation of 'Alice's Restaurant' serve?"

"When you think about it," said Crosby, "it really is pretty stupid."

So, they still fight sometimes, thought Joe. The drinks arrived and negotiations took place in earnest. In fact, Joe sat and listened to a flurry of irritatingly stupid demands.

"....We'll need six cases of fresh spring water..."

"...We want a guru to meditate with between sets..."

"....And three tubes of this special lotion, we'll give you the brand name...."

".....And a tape of Gregorian monk chants to listen to...."

"...Papaya, organically grown...."

"......And we'll need three potted plants in each corner of the room. Something pleasant...."

Finally, Joe said, "Listen, I never liked your music. I never understood how anybody could listen to that bubblegummy folk shit when they could listen to somebody like Woody instead. It was better when you guys were with the Byrds or the Hollies or wherever. I could never---"

"Oh, yeah???" said Crosby. "Well, I never thought your posts were very funny, Larry!"

"I'm Joe!!!"

"OK," said Stills, making peace. "Forget what we said. This is only the second time we've ever done a business negotiation ourselves, and wer'e scared shitless. We'll do it, only coz we dig Arlo. He was at Woodstock with us. I think he was, anyway, it's hard to remember very much...."

Levi and Larry accomplished their goals easily. Star reported, "Eminem won't do it. The Voice of His Generation, the Angry Young Rapper, isn't angry enough about Arlo to get involved. He only gets angry about things that involve him. The good news is that I got J-Lo instead. She checked her calendar. She's not getting married that day."

The Artists for Arlo concert was on.