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 Post subject: Kid's Corner
PostPosted: Tue Apr 11, 2000 4:18 pm
  

Arlo Fanatic

Joined: Dec 06, 1999
Posts: 1631
Location: Ogdensburg, NY ST. Lawrence
Little bio about the Author. Robbie D. Brown

Robbie is a 6th grade student at O.F.A.
His hobbie's are, video games,music, skateboarding and girls!!!

* "Toy Land" *

I knew we had arrived in toy land, as soon as I saw a 4 headed goblin with a Lions legs and a dog's head, tail and a cat's nose! Wings and even ghost arms. We walked in a see threw house, and when we go in there, we all turned into Cartoon animation. We all grew tails and wings. Soon we were flying around the room and a whole bunch of those goblins popped out from the walls, and then we all screamed. We were being chased around the see thru house by goblins And soon we were going to turn into goblins,as well as the rest of them. We were scared and we were flying through the walls, and then we started to fly up the stairs when I noticed that none of them were following us anymore. They all stopped at the bottom of the stairs. I realized they were afraid of what the stairs were made out of. The stairs were made out of candy canes. I thought of an idea. We would pick up as much candy canes as we could and scare them away, before the candy canes melted.Oh no!!!All the candy canes melted and the goblins were chasing us again.UT OH!!! 4 more popped out of the walls and we were surrounded by them. And then they all... finally my Mom woke me up from that scary dream!!!


<FONT COLOR="Red">The End</FONTc>


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 11, 2000 4:41 pm
  

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Joined: Sep 12, 2000
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Location: New Jersey
Edited because I wanted to.! [img]/ubb/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Nice job on the story!!!!

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Message edited by Larry on Apr 17, 2000 @ 05:54 PM ---</FONT></center>


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 11, 2000 9:30 pm
  

Senior ArloNetizen

Joined: Sep 24, 2002
Posts: 579
Location: IL
Robbie, this is how I provide feedback for writing: I tell you stuff I like (that I'd like to read more of), and something you may want to consider changing, in the future. That way, you get an idea of what your reader liked, and what you could improve... but remember, it's all just my opinion! [img]/ubb/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

I really like fantasy or science fiction stories. You have more "ghoulish" characters in yours than in the stories I prefer (like the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis), but the ghoulish characters really make sense in your story. They add a dimension of terror, which was the effect that you were going for. Good job!

The suggestions I wanted to point out were in the second sentence. "We walked in a see threw house, and when we go in there, we all turned into Cartoon animation." First, the threw should be "through" - something spell check would never catch! [img]/ubb/smilies/smile.gif[/img] Also, I like your description, but the sentence contains a change in tense. You start in Past Tense (walked) and change to Present Tense (go in). It's usually easier for the reader, if you can stay in one tense. It's VERY difficult to write an entire story in Present Tense - most writers stick to past tense!

The action in your story is GREAT! It kept me very involved, and wondering what would happen next. Nice surprise ending, there... Grrrrr! [img]/ubb/smilies/smile.gif[/img] This is why I provided the following address to your dad - I hope you both enjoy "The Lady, or the Tiger". It is a great short story with a WONDERFUL ending, and your story reminded me of it.

Link to the Short Story, The Lady or the Tiger

Thanks for sharing your story with us, Robbie!

Edited because Larry edited his post...

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Message edited by Starchild on Apr 21, 2000 @ 06:09 PM ---</FONT></center>


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2000 7:02 pm
  

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Joined: Dec 06, 1999
Posts: 1631
Location: Ogdensburg, NY ST. Lawrence
Hey Larry, Robbie wanted me to tell you thanks for the compliment!!! He's a happy camper..[img]/ubb/smilies/smile.gif[/img] Thanks from Dad to.......

Peace [img]/ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2000 8:28 am
  

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Joined: Dec 06, 1999
Posts: 1631
Location: Ogdensburg, NY ST. Lawrence
Okay let me remind ya. We are still interested in childrens story's. Teenager's or little ones. (I like the little one's, cause they don't stay little that long. I realize it's summer vacation in most parts, but if you share story-telling with your kids, lets bring it on down. Robbie's story is good. It would be cool if other kids, or thier parents could share stuff...

*last names aren't a requirement, nor are addresses of the author! lil bio's are neat but not absolutely necessary....Waiting to hear your storys...

**write story's with your kids. It's a great past time, and beats the hell out of "Big Brother"

***NO, not Janis's old band!.......Image


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2000 7:00 pm
  

name: Emmalee West
intrests: everything, music, writing, reading, life and everything else there is to imagen Image

I wrote this pome/short-story a while ago and I just wanted to share it with everyone.. oh I don't have spell check so bare with me Image

<center>Beyond The Horizon</center>
The clouds were trying to captur the moon, to wisk it away with them to a place beyond the horizon.
The winds wouldn't let the clouds do such a thing to the wonderfull blue moon so the winds blu slightley on the clouds and made them sail on to the horizon alone.
The moon was gratful toward the winds. The moon made up her mind to let the wonerful winds dine with her. They stayed out late that night, dancing on the ocean and playing with the surf.
When they grew tierd the winds gave in and let the clouds take the moon to that place beyond the horizon wharah she could rest.
That morning Mr. Sun came up to thank Moon and the winds for giving him such a kind display for a peacefull night. Later that day after all the children were home from school the winds came to cool the sweet sun and let it set, to the great place beyond the horizon.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2000 10:04 pm
  

Senior ArloNetizen

Joined: Jun 29, 2001
Posts: 367
Location: Morehead City, North Carolina, USA
I love this story of willow's...and not just because she's my daughter! I am hoping to help her make a children's book out of it soon.

***"willow" is going into the 7th grade at Smyrna School, which goes from preschool to the 8th grade. (Way "Down East" as the old timers call it, Smyrna is on the way to Cedar Island, the ferry jump off to Ocracoke.)


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 27, 2000 7:54 pm
  

Senior ArloNetizen

Joined: Jun 29, 2001
Posts: 367
Location: Morehead City, North Carolina, USA
How about some more stories, Robbie???


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2000 1:07 am
  

Arlo Fanatic

Joined: Dec 06, 1999
Posts: 1631
Location: Ogdensburg, NY ST. Lawrence
willow: Just thought I'd let you know how much I liked your story "Beyond the Blue Horizon". I love poetry, and your story sort of dances on the page a little. Sure glad was thinking about this thread! Nice job.Image


P.S. Robbie D. has his first football practice tommorro. Doesn't seem possible summers almost gone. I think lil Rob could write a book on his summer...LOL


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2000 6:54 pm
  

Thank you, that was a nice thing you said. I'm going to write somemore of my stuff soon here. I wish more kids would too.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2000 9:46 pm
  

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Joined: Dec 06, 1999
Posts: 1631
Location: Ogdensburg, NY ST. Lawrence
Quite welcome willow! When you get that spelling thing down, send them to Pat and Deb and crew from the 'Group W Home', and maybe a photo, and more about yourself. Just a little will do. What you like in school, what you do in your spare time, ect. I love the lil bio's, they are so cool!! Not only that willow, Robbie would love the company, with your story's.

*School starts soon, and Robbie will probley give up another story, once ft.ball settles down...LOL... Image

**Some of us Canadians are spell freaks. No worries.....Image


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2000 10:09 pm
  

Notes.... by: Emmalee C. West


I was looking through
a box of notes from the years past,
I looked at all the neatley folded letters
and I saw one that caught my eyes.
I knew exactly who it was from,
but I turned it over in my hands and
traced your name.
I remember the day you handed it to me in the hall and how much it lifted my spirits.
I could say every word that was written on that sheet of note book paper, if I was asked to.

Today was a lot like the day that you handed me that note...
nothing was going my way. Everything I did I seemed to do wrong.
So I opened the box that your notes are in and pick that note out.
I read it silently to myself, and now my day is perfect, I know that everything will be okay, because I have friends like you.

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by willow on Sep 03, 2000 ---</FONT></center>


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2000 10:37 am
  

Waking Up
By Emmalee C West
(willow)

When I woke up I thought,
To myself what a wonder to be
Up another day, to see the sun shining
The birds flying, the people talking.
What glory to hear the music of the world
to see the dolphins playing
the sea's waves splashing on the rocks,
like someone madly in love......
when I tuck myself in I think
Another day I have lived
A wonder came I am still alive
with the dreaming coming
the time is coming for sublime
when I woke up from the deepest sleep I have ever had
I frolicked dancing on the clouds
The sun shining brightly onto the sand
the heavens have come down to meet me
the time of glory,
don't miss her
she is right here by my side.


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 Post subject: Re: Kid's Corner
PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 5:16 pm
  

Senior ArloNetizen

Joined: Jun 29, 2001
Posts: 367
Location: Morehead City, North Carolina, USA
I just found this old section by chance.....My youngest daughter Emmalee (Willow) was still in middle school...Robbie...?? And today, "Willow" is doing her student teaching up in Asheville NC area, 6 months till she graduated from College at Warren Wilson, Sawnnanoa, NC.
Who knows where the time goes?? Sounds like a good beginning for a song..:)

So....we've "growed up" a whole new generation of Blunderites here....time for a new bunch of Kids for this Corner....any takers??


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 Post subject: Re: Kid's Corner
PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 9:51 pm
  

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Joined: Jul 06, 2008
Posts: 2531
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Location: Crawfordville, Florida
You can have mine.......and their kids too!!! :wink:


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