I know this topic is so two months ago but I read it today and it is my reality every month.

When I hear Woody's song Deportees I feel ashamed. There has to be a better way and we need to find it.

That said, I have an adult child who has mental illness and health problems that prevent her from working. She is 26 and hasn't qualified to be on my health insurance since she turned 24.

My husband and I have been buying her medications and paying her doctor bills our selves. When our saving was used up we started using our credit cards. Now we are having a hard time paying our credit card's minimum monthly payment. Each month we go deeper into the hole of debt due to intrest. I know credit cards are bad. I have a sick kid and prayed that some better way would present itself to us every time I pulled a card out. We were buying relatively less expensive prescription medications (relative means $280. compared to $900.) from over seas pharmacies, but Homeland Security rescued us from going into any more debt that way.

It doesn't matter now anyway, because I can't afford to put anything else on a card and still be able to make the credit card payment.

Recently my child had a serious seizure and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. Neither she nor her father and I can ever pay that bill down. She went to try to get MediCal coverage. It's a State program to provide medical care for the needy here in California.

Well, my daughter does not qualify. We were told that for her to qualify she would have to get pregnant or be here illegally.

This problem hangs like a heavy grind stone around our necks every single day that our child is not being treated for her mental illness and each time we shop, keeping in mind we have to make the credit card payment.

Her husband is permanently disabled from a crippling car versus motor cycle accident. He receives around $700. a month and they get food from the food closets at local churches. We give them gas money and help them as much as we can.

I confess that I feel frustrated that my husband and I work long hard days and our hard earned tax money can be used to help women who get "knocked up" with kids from 5 different men and aren't sure which of them is the father of their latest arrival and people in our country illegally. But they cannot be spent on someone born here and who knows having kids would be a very bad idea due to her circumstances. She told the people at the MediCal office she felt like she was being punished for being the good kid. (I worry she will decide to get pregnant after all.)

I am conflicted. I want the government to get the hell out of my life and I want to keep my own money. However, I am also aware that some provision must be made for those unable provide for themselves and the helpless. All I can say is, there must be some better way.

Sorry this post was so long. I never know when to shut up!

Love and Peace,
Primula Brandybuck

It's a NOW topic until it's fixed. I can't do anything directly for your family (if I could find that damn magic wand, I'd be waving it), but I can do three things: (1) Send Blundervibes for your daughter and her husband. They do seem to work. (2) VOTE for a Democrat in November. (3) Make sure that all our elected officials know that medical care for all is at the top of my priority list. Consider one and three done and the second a done deal come November. Hugs--Shelley

Thanks so much for the Blundervibes, Shelley! I believe they work! I'd be grateful for Blundervibes from any one else who feels inclined as well.

Love, Big Hugs and Peace,
Susan

i will add my vibes too. i myself am facing a healthcare mess and we should not have to be humiliated and degraded just to live. i feel for what your family is going through. i have a brother and a sister who is disabled from mental illness and the drug trial/error is torture enough without the other mess they go through. all i can say is there are a lot of people out here who are sending out love to the world and to you. hang in there. i am sorry for your struggles.

Prayers & vibes for your daughter. Mike & I both have diabetes & he is legally blind from having had it for yrs & not knowing it. Our medical care is more than we can afford & we can't afford insurance. He had to quit working & get on disability. We are on a free medical plan at a local teaching hospital where we can get all our medical care for free and prescriptions for $4 per prescription. This had been a blessing to us. You may want to try to see if any hospitals in your area have this. You don't have to be a pregnant woman to get it. You have to not have insurance. It's worth a try. I hope your state has this. It is a lifesaver for us. Good luck...

lots of prayers and vibes Brandy...
platz...
everyone....

Primula, you do raise some very important issues. My husband works for the PA welfare office so when I speak with him later I'll ask him for some helpful "key phrases" you might be able to use in CA. Here in NM, the UNM hospital has a plan for the uninsured, but they have to go to UNMH for all their care. While I'm not a Kaiser-P fan, maybe they can help you temporarily. I have a friend in PA who is on disability for mental illness, doesn't work, drives her mother nuts, isn't pregnant or illegal. She gets over $1,000 per month. And lives at home with her parents (her dad died a few months ago). She's 54. And has been on disability for decades! Both in CA and PA.

If your daughter is married you shouldn't be legally responsible for paying her hospital bill. If she can't work and husband is on disability the state should be picking up the tab even if she is legal and childless. Are there any teaching hospitals near you that could maybe help with meds and/or treatment? Cheryl's idea was a good one.

Either way, good thoughts and vibes are being sent your way.

Dear Primula,

Do not buy this lie. If your daughter has an illness, mental or physical, that prevents her from working she does in fact qualify for disability and SS. The system is full of many hurdles that will take months for your daughter to overcome. You may also need to help your daughter get past them. You may both need help to learn how to find your way through the maze of the system. Find help, it is out there. It will be a struggle, don't give up. Whoever told you the illegal immigrant or pregenant info was ill informed to say the least. If her doctor declares her fully disabled she will get full state disabilty payments and medical coverage and SS. You may also be able to recover the money you have used to cover her medical costs. Stop believing the lie.

We have virtually no help for citizens in crisis, thanks to every Texas governor after Annie (a.k.a., GW Bush and the current Bozo, Perry). But in California, they should have more help. It's bound to be hard to work through the maze, but there should be more then she is getting. It's probably someone's job to give her the run-around. Be mad as hell and don't take it anymore! (Oh, that's so hard to do. It is much easier for me to say than for you to do, but for what it's worth, the strength Blundervibes are on the way.)

Ugh! Blundervibes from here for sure.

Dear platzhughes, Cheryl Harrell and kj,

Thank you so much for the prayers and vibes! It's amazing how just knowing someone understands what you are going through and is thinking of you makes the burden feel a little lighter. Your vibes, prayers and encouragement truly lift my heart and make me smile. You all give me hope that things might be OK someday. I don't know why, but it is easier to bear some things when you know you aren't all alone even if no one can actually fix you. Kisses and hugs all around!

Terrie,
You said her kid is driving her nuts! Thank God! I'm so relieved that I'm not the only mother who feels that way. It's horrible to see your children suffer but no matter how much you love them a mentally ill child some days makes you want to poke your freaking eyes out! Looking back I can see my poor girl has been this way all her life as young as 2 years old, but I really began to see she had something wrong in about 3rd grade. So I had her evaluated and I admit I was in denial for a while. I was afraid that if she got into the "system" I wouldn't have as much say about what would happen to her. The doctor wanted to put her in a class for severely emotionally disturbed children. One of my daughter's problems is paranoia. She also has intrusive fearful thoughts she can't control. She lives in constant fight or flight. She's germaphobic and She couldn't tolerate crowds or loud noises. She was 9 and I felt like I needed to protect her. She also became so phobic about her psychiatrist that she saw him on the news a few years later and had a panic attack. I was not allowed into the visits when she went in and she couldn't tell me why she was so afraid of him. By 9th grade I was ready to admit we needed major help but at that time she was uncooperative about taking her medication and I couldn't afford the therapy sessions. My insurance didn't cover mental health back then. I put her in this really laid back hippie school named "Wings" with small class sizes that you could wear your pajamas to if you wanted to. They were very nurturing but I still had to kick her out of the car crying every single morning for years.

LROSS,
Thanks for the good thoughts and vibes. She did go to 4 MediCal hearings and MediCal finally agreed to pay for the emergency room but not the ambulance. We do have a teaching hospital, and I have tried to see if she could receive some care there but I apparently haven't found the right person to talk to yet. The people I have spoken with so far have not been helpful in telling me who I should really call since they can't help me.

DRR,
Thank you for the advice. I talked to her on the phone tonight. Sometimes she will let me talk to her about this stuff and other times she gets really mad at me for bringing it up. Tonight she was willing to talk to me and told me she had gone to apply for SS 2 weeks ago. They gave her some forms to be filled out by her doctor. She said someone told her you pretty much always get turned down the first time you apply, and that she might have to seek legal help. My youngest daughter who is 21 is going to take her to the doctor with her forms tomorrow. Thank you for letting me know I'm being told a bunch of crap about the pregnant and illegal stuff.


Shelley, Thank you for the encouragement. One of the stupid problems is because she is an adult I often run into a brick wall called "patient confidentiality". It goes like this, "What relationship are you to the patient?" "I'm her mother." "How old is she?" "She's 26." "Why isn't she making this call?" "She is not able to because of her disability." "You'll have to put her on the phone." "If she could talk to you herself I wouldn't be calling you. ( In my head: She's freaking mental for crying out loud! It's not like she's a 15 year old trying to get on birth control without me finding out!) "She is having too much anxiety to make this call." "Well until the patient gets on the phone and gives us permission to allow you to speak for her we can't help you."

Here's the irony. "Hello my name is Susan and I'm calling for my husband. He has been very sick for a week now and he needs to be seen. He's running a fever, having unproductive coughing and has a really sore throat." "Can he call us?" "Yes, but he won't because he's being a guy. He can't breath, he's using an expired inhaler and he says he's fine." "Oh, I understand. My husband is the same way. What time can he come in today?" It turned out he had pneumonia. If he had been one of my kids he'd be dead by now! I can at least actually laugh about it. So I guess I'm not ready to poke out my eyes just yet. LOL.

With Much Love to you all,
Primula

I have a friend who's had multiple health problems since she was a kid, and hasn't been able to work in at least 12 years. It took her a while, maybe even a couple years, but she finally got Social Security a few years ago. Just keep trying!

Primula Brandybuck, I know she's mentally disabled, but does she understand that she needs the help? Some do, some don't. If she doesn't, chances are agencies won't be able to talk to you unless you're her guardian. Is there any possibility of getting her case management? That can make all the difference in accessing the help that's needed. I'd know some of the steps to take in NY, but then in NY she'd at least qualify for cheap health insurance if nothing else.

Thank you for caring Pat. Once again my heart feels less weight with friends helping share the burden. She does know she needs help. She has no trouble admitting that she has life controlling mental health problems and severe anxiety disorder now. I believe she would comply with treatment at this point in her life.

But, part of her disorder causes her to be very secretive. She some times even makes up lies about stuff she perceives would "get her in trouble" when it's absolutely nothing I would even care about let alone be mad about. This is random and on another day she would tell me what the situation really was. I can tell when she's not being truthful because she has a huge explanation with too many details. She also has days when she wants my help really bad and is very grateful, then tomorrow changes her mind, says she's got it all under control and I need to stop meddling in her personal life. Some of those episodes she tells me what elaborate plan she has for taking care of the problem and on others gets mad at me for even asking. Some times she gets irritated that I even called her on the phone. They screen their calls and I usually say, "Hi, this is mommy, just checking in to see how you kids are doing. Bye. Sometimes she gets irritated at me because I left such a long message. Others, "thanks for checking on me, mom. And we have a fairly normal conversation until I say something wrong that I had no way of knowing was wrong and wouldn't be wrong on a different day. It could be I said "wash rag" instead of "wash cloth". And she will never let me speak to Brian, my son in law, because she's afraid I might say something wrong and up set him. If I stop by to visit her she might be mad that I was too cheerful and says I was showing off for Brian. Once in a while she won't even let me in the house.

All of that is to say, She would never consent to my being her guardian. Nor would she let her husband. She's not suicidal and she isn't dangerous. Therefore, I don't believe a Judge would over ride her.

It's a good idea though and I have thought about it before. Thank you again for caring. Just keep up the vibes, please. I'm just soaking them in and they water my parched soul. I also believe they have power to change things.

Love and Peace,
Primula Brandybuck