Are you suggesting that $50.00 an issue is too much to pay for journalism of this quality??? Why you backwards country bumpkin you!

Dear Editor:

Dear Sir or Madam (if you don't know for sure who am I to question)

First you allow Ann Landers or Dear Abby to die and with it the best part of every newspaper after the funny pages of course.

And I might say there has been a certain lack of any photos in your rag, and not even a fifty cent off coupond for doggie chow, I mean really what good is your paper anyway?

I am looking for insightful reporting and the only insight I see that you have is just what might remain of your last night's supper, I mean really were you born with your head up your arse?

I will remind you that I ordered the daily edition which comes out once a week, not the weekly edition which comes out once a month nor the monthly edition which comes out once a year, so please get on with the program and get back to being the daily.

Yours Truly
Nathen the stickman in the backwoods of Tennessee.

P.S. you just need to overlook the bad spelling and the poor english as I am a product of the american public school system

Dear Bassackwards backwoods Nathan the Tennessee Hick that is capable of making the strongest of sheep nervous type guy,

If you would just spend the .50 cents on a roll of toilet paper, perhaps you would not look forward so much to the delivery of our fine gnuspaper. The Editor.

***** Confused Gnus and Views Poll*****


Given the choice of one of the following, which would make you feel safer.

1) Arming all trained United States commercial airline pilots with guns.

2) Having someone with the intellect and communication skills of George W. Bush in the Whitehouse.

ahhaaaa!!! trick question! you sneaky devil you!!!

there AIN'T NO SANITY CLAUSE!!!!

ok... where do I collect my prize???

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Arnie:
there AIN'T NO SANITY CLAUSE!!!!
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<img src="http://www.arlo.net/ubb/smilies/confused.gif" width=15 height=22>
You are wanting SATINY CLOTHES????
I didn't know that you liked that kind of stuff???

****Confused Gnus and Views Poll****

Poll question #2.

Of the following choices, which would make you feel safer.

1) Having George W. Bush as the Commander in Chief of the combined armed forces of the United States of America.

2) Having color blind Homeland security head Tom Ridge get thrown off the bridge in a Monty Python movie because he forgot his favorite color while issuing a color coded national alert.

3) Having Arnie guarding the nations entire supply of Chonklit cake.

4)Giving webmaster and wizard Dave Downin the launch codes to the nations nuclear arsenal.

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 2 times, lastly by Larry on Jul 15, 2002 ---</FONT></center>

These choices would make me feel safer.

1) Having Todd as the Commander in Chief of the combined armed forces of the United States of America.

2) Having George W. Bush get thrown off the bridge in a Monty Python movie because he forgot his favorite color while issuing a color coded national alert.

3) Having webmaster and wizard Dave Downin guarding the nations entire supply of Chonklit cake.

4)Giving Arnie the launch codes to the nations nuclear arsenal.

And
5) Have color blind Homeland security head Tom Ridge take a census of the mooses that have invaded from Canada...

Now ain't that just like a woman? I mean I give a multiple choice question , and ask for one of the four answers, and instead I get 5 answers.That's a beautiful thing! Wyld, would you like a job in our editorial dept.? <img src="http://www.arlo.net/ubb/smilies/confused.gif" width=15 height=22>

By the way, I only agree with you on items one through five.

1.wyldflower, number 6 is without question the correct choice.....

2. Will the pilots be keeping their guns in the wine cabinet?
Dear Mr Editor

I did wonder why this trifling sheet of the softest mushiest sort of twaddle had been delayed of late, Thank you for informing me that the brains behind the operation (I read that to refer to the only person who can read or write in your office) is out of school for the summer, however the good news is that they will be promoted to the sixth grade and the quality of the paper ought to soar.

We here in Tennessee do in fact have a shortage of tissue, however it is the desire for enlightment that keeps us ever ready for the next copy of "Confused Blues and stepping on daddy's shoes".

Ready willing and able in the backwoods of Tn.

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by Nathen on Jul 16, 2002 ---</FONT></center>

Wow..I think that Wyldflower has used Larry's ponderings to come up with a plan that will definitely increase national well being in the most important areas of security and general warlike stuff.

Now..working together like you have can you guys maybe come up with a fiscal plan? Every time GW makes a speech the sinks deeper.

Wyldflower for President!

Fiscal plan: George W. Bush, please shut the f*ck up!

Dear Sirs:I notice a lot of the people who write to you commit many avoidable errors of syntax and grammar. I send you this list of tips so you can publish it and help those people.

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

11. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

12. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

14. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

15. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.

16. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

17. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

18. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

19. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

20. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

21. Who needs rhetorical questions?

22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than under-statement.

And probably the most important one...

23. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

and while I am at it, I would like to point out that George W. Bush is the best president that we have at the moment.

yours truly
the hick in the sticks

I am in hopes that this might help to improve your newspaper,

<img src="http://www.arlo.net/ubb/smilies/confused.gif" width=15 height=22>
hmmmmmmm....

i don't wish to interrupt the flow of gnus here...
errr... ehhhh.. ahhhh... but does anyone know which one is the "ABORT" button????

no big deal, really... don't mind me...
really...


really...

<img src="http://www.arlo.net/ubb/smilies/eek.gif" width=15 height=15>

That's OK, Arnie. It takes time to get the hang of these things. It would be unreasonable to expect perfection on your first day on the job. It would be thoughtful to post and let folks know what area of the world you're inadvertantly taking out...but only if you have the time.

Nathen, is that an original creation? I think it's a great guide and colleges should use it, too, also.