Can my teenage sons try out for these jobs?
I'm sure they would pass with flying colors!

From the "we stole this one from David Letterman" dept.

Letterman was commenting on the New york Yankees visit to the Whitehouse last week to receive congratulations from President Bush on their world series victory last year.
Letterman noted that Bush had a lot in common with Yankee legend Yogi Berra.......but he noted one glaring differance between the two men when he remarked " When President Bush says something that doesn't make any sense.....well....it doesn't make any sense!"

Truer words have yet to be spoken!

----Confused Gnus and Views----
"all the gnus that gives people fits"

****Special Cheech and Chong Edition****


The United States Supreme Court today announced their decision that outlaws the medical use of marijauna, citing that the laws on the books, as now written, do not make exceptions for any use of marijauna at all.
When asked to comment on the decision,Justice Clarence Thomas was quoted as saying " I don't have time for that now, Happy Hour is about to begin at the pub around the corner, and there are a lot of hot chicks there, and beside that, it's Justice Scalia's turn to pick up the tab".

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by Larry on May 14, 2001 ---</FONT></center>

Maybe Cheech and Chong should be running this country, ya think?

---Confused Gnus and Views----
** " all the gnus that gives people fits" **

President Bush met today with The Dalai Lama.
Asked about the encounter Bush replied " I was kinda surprised. I thought The Dolly LLama was some kind of new collectors item beanie baby.....you know, a stuffed llama? I was gunna get some for the kids. I didn't know it was a guy".

Don't blame me, I didn't vote for Bush.
But I know that Mr.Naders fans are having a great time.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Kim:

acts, staffers removed the W key--President Bush's middle initial--from many computer keyboards at the White House's Old Executive Office <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN?
ALL YOUR W ARE BELONG TO US!

-Z

----Confused Gnus and Views----
" all the gnus that gives people fits"

****Special "W" and family edition****

President Bush had another personal heartache this week as his 19 year old daughter Jenna tried to buy alcohol with another persons I.D. in TEXAS. (DUH!!!...like you wouldn't know her in Texas...right?)
When reached for comment, Jenna said " Well , I learned it from my dad, he used that other guys I.D. to get the job he has got now, right? I mean that Al guy had more votes, but daddy and uncle Jeb bought this fake I.D. in Miami......hey, have you got a beer?"
When asked how she thought she might get away with using the I.D. of a 56 year old 250 pound African-American Man named Ralph, Jenna said " It wasn't a picture I.D., so I thought it would work".

President Bush also visited Sequoia National Forest this past week to unveil his environmental plans, where he promised to spend five billion dollars over the next five years to maintain and upgrade our exsisting national parks.
"Five billion dollars can build a lot of roads and can drill a lot of test holes for oil wells in our national parks" noted Bush.

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by Larry on May 31, 2001 ---</FONT></center>

Minneapolis Star Tribune -

"...Next, President Bush said flat out that, "All the allegations that they took stuff off of Air Force One is simply not true."

Now comes a report from the General Services Administration that the White House was not wrecked. "The condition of the real property was consistent with what we would expect to encounter when tenants vacate office space after an extended occupancy," the GSA said..."

Just wondering if Gnus and Views takes words coming out Ari Fleischer's mouth, and ... adjusts them for truth?

http://startribune.com/stOnLine/cgi-bin/article?thisSlug=ED23A&date=23-May-2001&word=clinton

----Confused Gnus and Views----
"all the gnus that gives people fits"

***From the "truth is stanger than fiction" dept.***

The Vatican announced today that Pope John XXIII, who passed away in 1963, will be getting a new coffin. The new coffin will be "see through" to allow the faithful easier access to the beloved pontiff, and it will also be "bullet proof". Of course we here at Confused Gnus and Views understand the need for a bullet proof coffin ever since many dead popes have been recieving death threats from extremist groups in recent years.

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by Larry on Jun 01, 2001 ---</FONT></center>

Do they plan to have a recording of the pope playing over his casket... "Hi there... don't I look natural???"

I too understand the bullet proof part... it's the glass I don't get... hasn't anyone explained the basic function of worms to these guys yet???

Ummm....No Arnie, but Father Guido Sarducci is planning to update his "I saw the Pope on TV" buttons that were popular a few years back with " I saw A dead Pope under glass" buttons.

<center><FONT COLOR="#000080">--- Edited 1 times, lastly by Larry on Jun 01, 2001 ---</FONT></center>

silly Larry!
nothing really to say here, follow me to SLG forum to see why I posted this, here, now