This appeared in the "Rants" column of this week's Hartford Advocate. Being a vegetarian, this was right on the money to me (well, outside of the purse references)! I've had to clean it up a bit for family viewing, though! Still, a kindred spirit!

Captain Zap

To The Idiot I Talked To At That Party Saturday Night:
January 4, 2007
What the hell gives you the right to criticize me for, of all things, being a vegetarian???

I don’t eat meat. F***ing deal with it. Don’t ask me if I eat fish or chicken. Don’t stick a steaming plate of beef stroganoff under my nose and ask me if it smells good. (Consider yourself damn lucky I didn’t cram it straight up your ass.) Don’t tell me I can eat something if I “pick out the meat.” Don’t ask me where I get my protein. Obviously I’m still alive, so I must get it from somewhere. Don’t ask me WHY I don’t eat meat, it’s none of your f***ing business. Don’t jump up on your stupid soapbox and start lecturing me about my leather purse and my leather shoes and my SUV. I never claimed to be a do-gooder. Don’t stand there with your stupid bastard self and mock me as I eat my meat-free meal … you’re gnawing on a dead carcass and I’m eating a f***ing carrot ... yet I’m the freak. OK. And if I one more time hear you tell me about the e-f***ing-coli I’m going to get from spinach and lettuce, so help me God and I will choke the life out of you. And then I’ll have you skinned and turned into a cute little purse.

PS No, I am not anorexic either, you f**k.