Racism= A belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.

I had a real eye-opener as a young woman. I grew up in Texas, and we were used to hearing in the media that the white South was incredibly, horribly racist but the North was not. The evidence of racism was all around me--not usually open and overt, but there--though not so much in my nuclear family. So I believed that generalization and took on my share of guilt about it. (That's not so bad a thing, because it moved me to fight it where I could.)

Then at 22, I moved to the Illinois/Wisconsin border, on the lake, between Chicago and Milwaukee. What a shock! The gloves were off--people were openly racist in ways I had only read about in books. I came to realize that while racism was 'alive and well' in both places, there was a difference of exposure. We grew up with Hispanic neighbors who were dear family friends, and some of the kids I grew up knowing and playing with were black. But so many of the white people I met in the Midwest had never had the opportunity to know a person of color.

Every part of the country has its own culture, and that includes how the races interact and see each other (as Terrie is finding out in the Southwest), but I think it's pretty much the same everywhere--where there is daily "just life" interaction, there is less fear and mistrust, and both of those feed off separation and segregation. We fear what we don't know, as they say.

I grew up in the Mid-Atlantic... Philadelphia to be exact. My mother always taught me that all men are created equal... just don't marry one (meaning outside my "race" or "religion"). Seems to me that what she meant was not to marry outside HER "race" or religion. She was such a hippocrate! "They" were OK to hire as maids, but nothing else. The all-time love of my life was Juan. She managed to break us up in a way that laid the foundation for many years of misery for me. She's been dead now for 20 years and I still hate her every single day. Racism was definitely alive and well in the house I grew up in. I vowed I would NEVER do that to my kids, and I sincerely hope I haven't.

Yes, Shelley, it's much different here. Maybe I'm just blind to it, or try to be. I hear things in the teachers' lounge that I tend to ignore. These kids are barely making it... and it's our job to help them become "something" in society. Regardless of which side of the border their parents are from... they're here now and the US is relying on EVERYONE regardless of their skin color or birth country to put this country back together. Pretty soon it's going to be up to these kids... God help us!

Terrie, try not to hate the person your mother was; rather, just hate her attitudes and behavior. It sounds like you're doing a great job teaching your children the right thing.

I live with the outcome of her "punishment" every single day of my life. While I do my own thing, lived my own life, I still feel and live the repercussions of it every day, from missing Juan, to who I married, to who is the father of my children, to my health, etc. There's no escape from the reality of it.

And, it was all about HER, HER beliefs, HER religion, HER "kind," etc. It was never about me, what I wanted for my life, what was best for me, etc. She actually TOLD other people, and accused me to my face, of "only doing 'that' to hurt me." Imagine a mother telling her daughter that I only fell in love with Juan on purpose to hurt her! Like I had nothing else on my mind at the time. That has stayed with me all these decades!

And, it's all about racism, bigotry, religion... and not about humanity, what is good, who he is/was, nothing! Just plain bigotry!

Terrie,

No one should ever be treated that way. I am sorry you have to deal with that, and always will.

Try to understand that your mother most likely did not do the things she did to try to hurt you intentionally. Just as you did not fall in love with Juan to hurt her.

She learned her fear and hatred and wanted to teach you what she knew.

To understand is to love. Love her for trying to do the best she could with the tools she was given. To understand that may help you let go of the hate you feel for her someday.

Terrie, I can understand you very much. For me it's the feeling for not being loved as a daughter or a person, rather than being tolerated for fitting in their believes and only being "loved" for acting in what they think is right. My father didn't speak to me for 16 years because I married an african-american and he didn't acknowledge his grandson for that long either. Only shortly before his 85 birthday did he change his mind and only because he had a get together at an restaurant and it would have "looked bad for him" if my son and I would not have attended. And because he realised that he and my mother started to need help. Then I was good enough again.

These are sad storys , my meaning is that people must sie people as individu 's ( not in groups like blacks , white's , yellows , reds etc ... ) Thats always bin my point of view .

Thank you both for sharing your painful stories. I know this must have been horible. I wish I could make it better and ease your pain.

A parents true love is unconditional. You both had parents who did not feel this way. They both let their hate and fear get in the way.

The truth is you both did nothing wrong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX9aLoFGwu4

i have been trying to figure out how to respond to this thread.
in this area when i was growing up, there were definitiely racist issues
sometimes it is hard to say what makes a person a racist or not (i say this because it seems no matter how a person is raised, they can turn out otherwise), but anyway, despite my non racist parents, for some reason i don't know if it was a brain glitch or some other mal function that made me think the way i did and still do but i always managed to see people aside from their race. i would not dislike a person based on their race, nor would it be reason for me to like them (judgemental thoughts i suppose but...)! as a young kid most if not all of the racism i was aware of was from whites...not many black people in my immediate stretch of neighborhood, most lived in an area up and over the hill by the old church...but anyway...i made friends with one of the few who lived right nearby (dare i say neither of us cared a bit about the others skin color) (i was about 8 years old and she was a big girl of about 9 years old) and she taught me how to do those string games! (like cat's cradle, jacob's ladder (that was just so cool) witch's broom (another good one) etc...) and we both seemed to think collecting those locust husks in a jar was just a magnificent thing to do...anyway, a family who lived across the street from her was just full of crazy kids...one of those little jackasses came after me with a screwdriver! i was always having to fight off some bastard like that...anyhow after we moved to another area of the county, once again i wind up with a black friend (i mean i would have white friends too, i mean to say, there is really no telling who i would take a liking to!), but in this area some of the blacks were more hostile toward me because i was white, some of the whites had issues with me being with anyone black, and some blacks had issues with my black friends for being with me because i am white, and i am like, "would you people (meaning you-everyone) just stop it!"
so like now, there are so many different races of people around here i can't even tell you how many...and i like it that way!
oh, and that song up there i learned about from a black guy i once knew who had real issues with whites in general, and i mean with much passion he would tell me his thoughts and i would always just listen and never once did i feel threatened personally...he seemed to like me okay...i remember some times both of us sitting on the roof of the house where he lived soaking up vitamin D looking out across the world talking about who knows what...
well i am rambling now