Do advice columnists really know more than the rest of us? Don'tcha think there's just as much wisdom at this message board?

With this thread, I propose to reproduce some actual letters that were sent to actual advice columnists, just to see how well we could do in answering them. So, feel free to provide answers, or even submit letters you've seen elsewhere.

Let's start here. This is an actual letter to an actual advice columnist, ladies & gentlemen:

___________________________

I ran over my neighbor's mailbox as I backed into our shared driveway. I've offered to buy him a new one, but he said it was custom-made and cost $350. As you can imagine, I said "no way." I've seen mailboxes at home supply stores for a fraction of that. Now our wives are even fighting. This has gotten out of hand. Any advice? -- BAD BACKER-INNER

Dear Bad Backer-Inner:

Give the guy a check for $400, and tell him the extra is for putting up with assholes like you as a neighbor. Maybe next time you'll heed the warning that objects in your rear-view mirror are closer than they appear. People like you should move far away from the rest of us, and stick to riding buses.

mikey

make sure he's getting the mail next time....hee hee..peace,,georgia

Those were great answers...I knew this would be great. Here's another, & keep in mind--it's an actual letter to an actual advice columnist:
____________________________

Don't laugh, but I tend to call out my ex-girlfriend's name when I'm "with" my current girlfriend. Naturally this causes some problems, but I can't help it. I dated my ex for two years, and we didn't break up that long ago. I'm crazy about my girlfriend but I can't make her understand that my outbursts mean nothing. Any advice? -- BAD PILLOW TALK
__________________________

I'd probably recommend that if you gotta make "pillow talk" during "the act," just ask her if she knows who's gonna be on Conan O'Brien later on.....but I'd rather hear some of your takes on this.

Dear Bad Pillow Talk,
1.Stop thinking of "the act" as the be all and end all of love making.
2.Get one of Shere Hite's books, "Women as Revolutionary Agents of Change".(read it)
3.Learn what a Clitoris is and what it's for,and she won't care who's damn name you call out!!!!

P.S. Also practice saying Clitoris so you come to realize that it's no worse than saying Penis!!!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by louise:

P.S. Also practice saying Clitoris so you come to realize that it's no worse than saying Penis!!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Clitoris.....clitoris.....clitoris.....clitoris...

Well, whadya know? She's right.

~~~Joe~~~
I KNOW you cant just be learning louise's last post!!
She Is right on the MONEY,!!!!! (take that as ya'll wish!))

Ok, Joe tell us s'more, RE: youre newspaper coloums!!!!

Ya'll made a somewhat un~nerving daze, HAPPY!
Thanks!!!!
Ruthie!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HUGS!!!!!!!4ALL!!!!!

As an experienced message board poster, instinct tells me it's time to change the subject. So let's try to answer another one, only this time it's the female who has killed the mood. Keep in mind that I'm not making these up---this is an actual letter from an actual advice columnist (or, I call this one Reason #12,476 Why Nobody Should Own a Pet):
_______________________________

My girlfriend has a really small studio apartment (just one room). Sometimes when we're in the midst of things, her cats jump on the bed, and she stops what we're doing and starts cooing to them. Any ideas on how to deal with this? It's like wild kingdom, and I'm afraid if I say something, she'll think I don't like her cats. -- THREE'S A CROWD

Dear Three's A Crowd:

Sometimes life throws us lemons, but we learn to make lemonade out of them. Next time just before you and your special someone are ready to enjoy a little romp in the sack, apply a little Fancy Feast flavor of the week or some organic catnip on some strategic body parts (yours and hers). Her cooing might get a little loud, and you might want to make sure for your own peace of mind that the tabbies are declawed before this experiment. Something tells me there'll be lots of purring going on in that bedroom, and I know you'll both be glad that she doesn't have a pet piranha.

Dear Three's a Crowd,
Read the reply that Bad Pillow Talk received to his letter!! Those cats'll get kicked off that bed and to the Moon so fast their heads will spin!!!!

(You asked for it Joe)
(Funny how guys always wanna change the subject when the C word comes up? Kinda takes attention away from the P word I guess?You know what I mean girls!)
(Just havin' a lend of ya Joe!...thats OZ speak for just joshin')
(I reckon Joe and I could profit from forming a stand-up act together.......probably pay more than the Double-Mint twins thing)

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by louise:

(Funny how guys always wanna change the subject when the C word comes up? Kinda takes attention away from the P word I guess?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL! Nope...Just didn't wanna get called onto the carpet. (It's happened before.)

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by P. Pittsburgh Joe:

Just didn't wanna get called onto the carpet. (It's happened before.)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Somehow that doesn't suprise me...

Yeah Joe, I think you better go back to letters about people backing over letter-boxes and stuff.

Who's gonna tackle this one? It's an actual letter to an actual advice columnist:
_________________________________

My fifth wedding anniversary is coming soon. I was looking forward to it until last night. I took my children to visit their daddy at his office. He is usually happy to see us. We found him eating his dinner in the company's break room.

We were enjoying a pleasant conversation when suddenly a female co-worker burst in and began telling a story. This woman, "Carmen," is very voluptuous and extroverted. My husband started laughing like crazy at Carmen's funny story -- which I didn't find amusing at all. But it didn't bother me until my husband came home from work and we started getting ready for bed. He began repeating this "funny" story he heard at work. When I told him I was there when Carmen told it, he looked surprised and said, "You were?"

****, I was crushed! I had been in that break room for 15 minutes before Carmen came in, and my husband had forgotten all about our visit. I am trying not to let it bother me, but I am 7 1/2 months pregnant and beginning to believe my husband no longer cares for me. What should I do?-- FEELING BIG AND BROKENHEARTED

So, you're all gonna make me do this one myself, eh?

Dear Feeling Big & Broken-Hearted:

Men have a lot on their minds. In my case, for instance, I'm always thinking about what the Pirates can do to improve, whether Duquesne U. is bringing in any good basketball recruits, when Arlo or Bob Dylan might be coming to Pittsburgh, what albums might be good to add to my music collection, & many other important things. It's likely that during your visit, your husband was thinking about things just as important. Also, it's probable that, depsite your large belly, you weren't visible behind Carmen's considerable chest.

So, when your husband gets home from work, try to understand him. Bring him the newspaper & his pipe & slippers, & everything will be just fine.